I'm back, but not for good

|6|

Cara's pov

"How was the first day?" My mother asks bringing my dinner into my room.

I sit up and click my phone off. "Brad was pissed at first. All of them were, just like I had expected. But when I told my story, I guess they understood." I reply taking the bowl of soup from my mother.

"I put minuets back on your phone." She smiled, and they smile would soon fade, because I had a serious question.

"Mom... if you don't mind me asking, what was it like to find me the way you did? Was I even awake?" Her smile stayed, but I could see hurt in her eyes probably remembering that night.

"I came home early for work to set up this dinner for you and your friends since I said no to you having plans the night before. I yelled your name as I was getting out the ingredients, and since there was no reply I decided to check out upstairs. Your room was empty. I had this unsettling feeling, so I ran to the bathroom. It was locked, so I used a pair of scissors to unlock it. I walked in... and you were bleeding badly out of both your arms. I quickly dialed 911, and they came just in time to stop the bleeding. Laying on top of you was your four paged letter explaining why you did what you did. It was a touching letter, and all that was in it was the truth. I am sorry about not letting your friends in. I was just devastated." She explained.

"It's okay mom." I start eating my soup when she pulls out my suicide note. She places it down on my bed and walks out. To be honest, I didn't go over it before I attempted suicide.

I place my bowl on the dresser, and I start reading it.

Dear mom, Brad, Maleah, Hannah, John and Jessica...
            I know you all might not be able to read this. and I am sorry it had to come to this. But I can't be here anymore. All this pain keeps piling up like a mountain, and there's a couple things I'd like to go through. I'd like to take the time to write the reasons why I am dead. Let's start with my Dad. Him and I got along better than my mom and I. He was the light in my life. The only one who mattered. The only one who truly got me. But when he started not listening to my ranting anymore, when he became more lazy, when he quit is job, when my mom and him kept fighting, I knew something was wrong with him. I just didn't expect it to be cancer. The day I found out was the day I started cutting. I found it to be my only safe haven, cutting was my dad. Cutting made me feel happy again. Just like my father made me feel.  The night he died I thought about killing myself. I almost did, but the thought of my mom being alone got to me. Now let's talk about my ex boyfriend. Yeah, the one who dumped me after we had sex and sent my nudes to the whole school. Everything. My boobs, butt, even my vagina was sent around. He took the pictures while we were having sex, and that made me want to die even more, and that day was the start of therapy, and anxiety and depression pills. Now let's talk about my step dad. He had the most impact to make me want to do this. He wasn't what sent me to do it, though. He raped me. I saved my mother from him that night, telling him my phone didn't work. Turns out it was bound to happen to one of us. I would rather it be me than my mother, she suffered enough. Now this happened tonight. This is way I am about to die. Ryllie. My best friend. The warmth around here, the light, was taken from us. Car crash. She was declared dead. The phone call I just got off from, this is why I'm doing this. It pushed me over the edge. I can't live without her. And I won't. Ryllie, here I come. Brad, Maleah, Hannah, John, Jessica, I love you all and I hope you understand why this happened to me. And mom, thanks for always being there. Thanks for being strong. I love you. -Cara

I folded the letter and placed it in my backpack. Tomorrow, they will read this and fully understand.

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