Silent Pain

Part 5

As Chris stirred into consciousness the pain in his side did also. He shivered even though it wasn't cold around him as he had had a nightmare which played over and over. He checked the time. It was 10am. Alecks would be here in an hour and he wasn't ready; she'd think of him as incapable of looking after himself and not let him go to the event on Saturday.
He tried to focus on getting ready and not stressing. He ran into the kitchen and put two slices of bread into the toaster. As soon as he was satisfied they were in there, he went into his room to find clothes. Sifting through them, he shook a little as he was freaking out. So many things still had to be done until he was ready. It had taken him 10 minutes to find clothes and now smelt burning. Muttering obscenities, he put the clothes on the bed and managed to save the bread before it became charcoal. As he put it on the table, the phone rang.
"Hello?" he asked, shaking a little, he was freaking out,
"Morning Chrissy, you okay?" she asked, her voice soothing him a little,
"Erm, no." Chris sighed, knowing he needed help. He wouldn't be ready on time and his side was hurting,
"What's wrong?"
"I... I can't do this. I thought I could but..." Chris said, panting a little as he realised he couldn't on his own. He needed help. Everything was clouding his head and wouldn't calm down.
"Alright. Stay calm Chris. I'm coming."
"Okay." He said, panting. He felt like he was panicking and held onto the table top behind for dear life.
"I love you." Aleks said, trying to calm him,
"I know." He replied and hung up.
Whilst he waited for Aleks to come, he gripped onto the table and breathed deeply. He felt himself go white and sickness came over him. He glanced down at the table in front of him. God he didn't want to throw up, not now. He threw his head back and tried to breathe. Everything was overwhelming him; the stuff with Craig, the pain he was feeling, the panic of not being able to look after himself. He couldn't do this. His stomach was killing him; the pain was both numb and painful. 'Please come soon. Please.' He breathed erratically, trying not to throw up. He'd hardly eaten anything so he didn't know why he was feeling so bad. His hands weren't behaving and opened and closed on their own. He sat himself on the floor and breathed faster, his hands feeling shaky and began to feel pressure in his stomach. He felt like death, he couldn't take this. All he could do was breathe and wait for her.

It had taken Aleks approximately 15 minutes to get to Chris' apartment block; learning the way over the years. She got there as fast as she could, knowing he wasn't himself. By the time she got there and found where Chris was, she realised she was a little late. She found him on the kitchen floor throwing up over himself and shivering.
She knelt beside him and held him close to her. "Oh Chrissy."
"I'm sorry." He cried, not knowing what to do.
"It's okay. I'm here now," she said calmly. She had experienced this several times with him so she was aware on how to deal with him. She then noticed he was shivering, "you started panicking, didn't you?"
Chris nodded, preventing himself from throwing up. He breathed deeply
"Well, there was no need to. If you needed time I would have understood. I'd have let you get ready."
Chris moaned and tried to calm himself down, contractions slightly worsening,
"I don't think you aren't capable just because you were late getting ready. It would have been better if you'd have said you were late waking up and needed to get ready."
Chris sighed, "I know."
The two of them cherished the time they had together as this had been the first time they had had this much contact in a long time. Alecks strokes his back lightly to help him calm down, being aware of the wound on his side. After a few minutes, she realised he had stopped throwing up.
"Well, if you're like this Saturday morning you're not going."
Chris moaned, "No, I have to go."
"Chrissy, you aren't well. You can't go to something if you're ill. The fans will understand, please."
Chris realised and understood what she meant. He couldn't go if he was throwing up, but at the same time, he didn't want to disappoint them.
"Okay. I...I won't go if I throw up or anything."
"Good." Aleks said, holding him close to her and stroking his back. She wished she could help in some way; knowing how much pain he could be in sometimes.
"You feel better now yeah?"
Chris nodded, still breathing deeply and shaking.
"Alright, well I will clean this up for you. Can you get yourself up?"
Chris nodded and got himself up shakily. His legs and arms still felt shaky but he could move them. He felt lightheaded and his chest ached,
"Well, I feel this needed to come out. It was a reaction to your anaesthetic probably." She said, noticing some was in fact blood.
Chris sighed, worrying about the blood, "Is that bad?"
"No, probably came from the operation on your stomach. It's okay now. Go and clean yourself up. I will help you."
Chris left Aleks to clear up reluctantly. He couldn't look after himself in this state. He was useless.
Getting into the bathroom, he took off his trousers and left them by the door. He felt so bad leaving her to do it, but then again, he had no choice.

After showering, he found a clean set of clothes on the bed. He smiled and realised Aleks had put them there. As he put on his underwear, Aleks called through the door.
"I'm just going to put your old things in the wash for you okay?"
"Okay." Chris said, wincing as he looked at the wound on his side. It was very sore and was painful to touch.
As he put his trousers on, it hurt more. He cried out accidently and sat on the bed, knowing she heard him.
Aleks burst in, "You okay?"
"Yeah, I think so." He winced, holding the area of pain.
"Let me see." She asked, getting closer to him.
As he showed her, he wondered how it would be at events. He couldn't show pain to the fans otherwise they'd ask questions.
"Hmm. Its still quite bad. Maybe you should bandage it?" she said,
Chris stood and put on his shirt, "You think?"
"Yes. It will prevent it from getting infected if it reopens. Did you have one there before?"
"Yes. But I took it off last night,"
"Right, well keep it covered to reduce infection as well as to help it heal."
"Okay."
"Will you do that now?"
"Yes." Chris said and got himself a bandage from the bathroom.

Now dressed and ready to go to Alek's, Chris got into her car. He put his bag by his feet as he sat and waited for her to lock up. She had insisted that she locked his apartment as she wanted to make sure his place was safe.
When she got into the car and belted up, she gave the key back to him,
"Thanks."
"Now, no going back there for a while now. I want to look after you."
"Alright." He smiled, slightly worried about how he was.
As she drove the two of them home, he worried how she'd be with him.

As they got in, Aleks made Chris go straight to the sofa,
"You need rest." She said, pushing him onto it.
Chris laughed a little, "Alright." He always found her funny when she played with him.
Then, Aleks' phone rang
"Hello?" Aleks asked, walking away from Chris a little,
Chris propped himself up and tried to listen to the conversation. Was it...no, it wasn't Craig, he didn't care about them.
"Jack! Not heard from you in ages. How are things?!"
The conversation was inaudible on Jackie's side, so Chris couldn't hear the details. Aleks glanced over at Chris, knowing he wanted to know.
"Oh right hehe. Things are fine here. How's Craig?"
Chris looked at Aleks expectantly, hoping she'd repeat what she said.
"Busy recording the documentary, right." She repeated, glancing over at Chris. He sighed and lay back on the sofa. No time for him anymore.
"Oh, that's alright. I understand you want much time with him as possible...We've been busy here too. I was worried that you hadn't called though..."
Chris hoped in one way that she wouldn't mention him; it should be between her and Jack, but then again, he didn't mind her knowing. Maybe she'd tell Craig?
"Yeah. Men can be like that. Speaking of men," Aleks began, looking over at Chris and smiled, "chris' been fairly busy too.... yeah, well he had an op like 2 days ago, so.... oh, you know...yeah, he's fine now though.... brought him home..."
He wasn't okay, he didn't feel okay, he felt like death right now. He just wanted to speak to Craig, make him feel a part of someone, something again. He had Aleks but, it wasn't enough.
"Oh, Craig's back...Well bye...talk soon." She said and hung up,
"Well, what she say about him?" he asked her as she sat next to him,
"Well, she says Craig hasn't spent time with her and has been busy. He would have contacted you but.."
"Didn't have time to." Chris finished and sighed,
"Yeah." She placed a hand on his, "He's still your friend, just, he's busy."
"Hmm."
"I erm, best go and get us drinks." She said, getting up.
Chris lay on the sofa and sighed deeply, trying not to cry. Why wasn't he important to him anymore?