Silence Says | ✓

Chapter 11

Over the next few days, Toby started to gain his footing. What had seemed like chaos at first was not really so out of control. Two activities a day, one in the morning and one in the afternoon, five days a week. Three meals a day. Toby could attend, or not attend, whatever he wanted. With Noah's help, things were starting to feel safe. Comfortable.

It was nighttime that Toby looked forward to the most. It had become part of their routine to cuddle up together after dinner and watch a movie before bed. They didn't talk about the way Noah ran his hand through Toby's hair or the way Toby curled in close and breathed in Noah's scent. Something was going on between them, Toby just wasn't sure what.

The movie had ended ten minutes ago, but Noah hadn't left Toby's bed like he usually did. Somehow, now that there were no other distractions, Noah's fingers felt different in Toby's hair. More meaningful. They rubbed down Toby's neck and over his shoulders and Toby shifted further onto his stomach to give Noah better access to his back.

"You like that?" Noah murmured, his voice lower than usual.

Toby hummed an affirmative and shuffled until he lay flat on his stomach. Noah sat up so that he could use both hands to knead down Toby's back.

At first it was just relaxing, like most of Noah's touch, but Toby found himself reacting differently when Noah's hands reached his lower back. Toby probably should have told him to stop then, but it felt good. It felt really, really good. It wasn't easy to keep himself from responding in any way Noah could see.

In the end it was an involuntary jerk of his hips against the mattress and a sharp exhale of breath that gave Toby away. Noah's hand stilled and Toby squeezed his eyes shut. Fuck.

There was a long stretch of silence between them before Noah finally spoke. "I looked at your books."

Toby wanted to run away, but he wasn't about to roll over just yet. That would have made things even more embarrassing.

"I wasn't snooping or anything, I was just curious," Noah continued. "I just wanted to find out more about what you liked, and they were just laying out on your dresser so I thought..." Noah sighed. "Anyway. There sure are a lot of dudes making out in your selection of literature."

Toby clenched one of his hands into a fist and began rhythmically thumping it against the mattress, his speed increasing as Noah kept talking.

"I wasn't sure if I should say anything, but now I'm starting to think we should have had this conversation a while ago." Noah paused. "Toby, are you gay?"

Toby wanted to take his fist and ram it into Noah's face. That would have been better than having this conversation. At least the anxiety churning Toby's gut was dampening his libido.

"Yes," Toby murmured into his pillow. By this point there was no use in lying. Noah knew.

Noah let out a long breath. "Okay. I just thought we should be on the same page here before things got awkward."

"This is before?" Toby grumbled.

Noah laughed. "Okay, more awkward. Sorry. I am too. Gay, I mean. Just so you know."

"Oh," was all Toby could think to say.

"You're so hard to read sometimes," Noah said. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"Um. No."

"Toby, come on. Help me out."

"I liked it." Toby moved his tapping fist to Noah's knee and tilted his head so that he could watch Noah's face. "When you were touching my back just now. It felt nice."