Silence Says | ✓

Chapter 3

Toby woke up the next morning feeling hungry and irritable, but in other ways better. Some of the anxiety brought on by being in a new place had dissipated, at least for now. He knew from past experience that it would be back as soon as he was hit by the reality of the outside world again, but it was good to at least have a short break. Anxiety was exhausting.

When Toby sat up and stretched Noah, fully clothed and his hair wet from the shower, gave him a smile. Not for the first time in his life, Toby was glad he had the world's best poker face. He hadn't forgotten what he'd seen last night.

Unlike most summer camps, the cabins here came with their own tiny bathrooms. As mad as he was just then at his foster parents for sending him away, he knew they had chosen this place very carefully. For that, Toby was grateful.

Their concern had probably been that his autistic brain wouldn't have stood a chance if he'd had to be around people that much, which was absolutely true, but that wasn't the only reason it would have been a disaster. He couldn't imagine sharing a bathroom with dozens of other guys, having them see him naked. Seeing them naked. He wasn't sure how his body would have responded to that, but if it hadn't behaved he could have ended up in a lot of trouble.

Toby had to admit that his foster parents had been very good to him. He was the only child they were fostering, unlike other places he'd stayed which had housed as many as half a dozen kids, many of them with issues enough of their own to drive Toby into daily meltdown.

Showering was a relaxing process, reassuringly routine. A washcloth and body wash, from the top of his body to the bottom. He washed his hair on Mondays and Thursdays, though it irked him that a seven day week couldn't be divided evenly into two. He got out of the shower. Dried, dressed, brushed his teeth. By the time he left the bathroom, he was feeling almost calm.

His feelings of calmness were only slightly shaken when Noah looked at him and asked, "Breakfast?"

Toby nodded and Noah's lips turned up into a gentle smile. It was easier to look at his mouth than his eyes, and when Toby was feeling reasonably okay he could manage that much. Most people didn't notice the difference.

It was summer, too hot for anything but short sleeves, but Toby grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on anyway. Like pulling the blankets over his head when he was scared at night, the imaginary shield hoodies provided made Toby feel safer.

He followed behind Noah like a duckling as they left the cabin, right on his heel but never quite beside him. It was clear, as they walked down the row of cabins, that Noah had already made other friends. Two guys called out greetings as Noah and Toby walked past their cabin, and another gave Noah a friendly pat on the back as he dashed past.

Toby felt both invisible and too exposed all at once. He hadn't been acknowledged, but he was too close to someone who was fast becoming an attention magnet.

As they entered the cafeteria Toby flipped his hood up, both to hide himself and to shelter himself from the chaos he'd just entered.

"Aren't you hot?" Noah asked.

Toby nodded but stayed quiet. He might have said yes — he still felt capable of speech — but he didn't want to raise his voice over the din of the other boys.

Toby was more focussed on food this time, and as they made their way through the queue he carefully considered his options. Yogurt, that was okay. And fruit salad he would actually eat this time, yes. Dry toast? Why not? He wouldn't enjoy it, but it was harmless enough.

Noah led the way to a mostly empty table and they sat down to eat.

Toby stayed focussed on his food while he ate, but Noah spoke to the other boys who soon joined them at their table. Getting to know you things, mostly. Do you like any sports? Noah liked football, and he surfed when he got the chance, though he wasn't very good. How old are you? Noah was seventeen, a year older than Toby. What house are you in? Noah was in blue. If that was a camp thing, Toby could only assume he was in the same. He hoped he was, anyway.