In My Head

To Breathe

I'm breathing when I should be drowning.

I'm sinking further and further down into this blue vastness. For a second I stop and my body stays completely still as if on pause. I feel movement behind me, so I resume and  turn around to see a school of little silver fish swim by. They slowly begin circling around me, doing a routine they must have practiced hundreds of yime. I see they have little numbers on their scales and I subconsciously start to count; 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 and so on. All of a sudden the school of fish disperses as sea turtles, anemones, coral reefs and other species of fish began to appear. I began to swim around to explore and I see they all have little numbers on them. Then in next second, as if in cue, all the sea creatures vanish and the only thing I can see is a Great White Shark swimming directly at me. My mind is yelling at me to move, swim away but every bone in my body is frozen.  I see it began to open its mouth  to swallow me whole.  I think this is the end, death by a Great White. Then it does the unimaginable and speaks:

"Anina can you answer question #7 for me?"

Pop goes my bubble.

I blink several times before my mind comes to term with the fact that I'm still sitting in this small, uncomfortable chair in geometry class. We are on the topic of Law of Cosine but I couldn't careless what angle C is.

"Hellooo! Thanks for coming back to us, we do hope you enjoyed your voyage to space. Now do you care to tell us the answer to #7 on the board." said Mr. Hoald

I hear snickers ring throughout the classroom as all eyes were now on me. I look down at my notebook, my teacher and I both know I didn't do the problem. So I say the first numner I see.

"Um...78°"

"Wrong Miss Barnes. Next time--"

*bell rings*

I didn't care to stick around to hear what else he has to say as I rushed out of the classroom. Math is my last class of the day so as I soon as I exit the building I released the breath that's been stuck in my throat since the beginning of school. Its Friday and I have no plan to stick around this school any longer than I have to.

I wasn't the first student Mr.Hoald has teased or picked on but I just so happen to be the student that handle being called on the worst. Mr. Hoald is known for being the " Cold Call Teacher", that's why its always a risk daydreaming in his class but I can't help it. Glennfield High is a small high school, as is everything in Lestington, so almost every teacher has a nickname. There's Mrs.Ratchel, who's real name is  Rachel but she has two buck teeth and loves string cheese. Mr.Perv, rumor has it that he sleeps with any girl in his class that needs extra credit and has been caught in the girl's bathroom on more than one occasion. The list goes on, and its probably the only thing interesting in this school beside fights in the yard and figuring out which couple broke up this week.

It was Zenovia and Devon this week, but they'll be back together in like a month.

I began to rush home seeing as though its November and the sun sets faster. This is not a good area to be in when its dark, you're either asking for trouble or you apart of it. Normally I would be picking up my 10 year old brother Leo from school but he having a sleep over at his friends tonight.

In the midst of my thought something wet lands on my forehead. Then all of a sudden I'm drenched in rain. Thunder and lighting dance across the sky as if they've been waiting all week to perform. I start to run home, I can't see passed the rain on my eyelashes so I just run hoping not to get by a car. I can feel my locs beating against my backpack as I run and I already know my homework is drenched from the heavy rain.

I finally reach my apartment building and quickly unlock the door. I walk down the hallway, the three of us live on the ground floor, so I'm very grateful I don't have to walk up the stairs. I stop in front of the door with the big Santa Clause sticker on it, the Christmas reef up and the lights around the door in awe. I quickly snap out of it and enter the naked door next to it.  I only live 10-15 block from the school but I felt like I ran a marathon. Right now, kicking off my shoes, getting out of my wet clothes and jumping into the bed are the only things I'm focused on right now.

"Mom! I'm home!"

I know she's home, she had today off and I can hear her yelling upstairs. I tried to turn on the lights but they wouldn't turn on. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't pay the bills but there's also the possibility that the thunderstorm could have knocked out the power.

My mom starts getting louder and I can hear her start cursing.

"Get the fuck out of my house!"

Is she talking to me? Maybe she's high again or drunk. I'm headed up the stairs and as my foot hits the last step I hear my mom starts screaming bloody murder.

I run to her bedroom as fast as possible and what I see makes me freeze as if  I was back in the ocean again. A black hooded figure had my mom in a head lock; with his back towards me, an arm around my mom's neck and his other hand holding a needle into her arm.

Mom  I whisper

I stumble back a bit and my elbow hits the door which makes it bang against the wall. The figure drops my mom and the needle and faces me. The figure pulls out a gun and aims it towards me.  All I can see is the gun in front of me and his finger on the trigger. With no hesitation the gun goes off,

Bam! Bam! Bam!

God no!

My mom drops  on the floor in front of me with two bullet holes in her chest, spilling out blood. I drop to the floor next to her and instantly start cradling her body to my chest as tears run down my face mixing with her blood that landed on my cheek. I can feel her heart slowly stop beating and I know that she's gone. Then I hear a window creek open and I look up and I seen him climbing  out the window. 

Something awoke up inside me and all I can think  was:

You can't let him get away!

I did something never thought I do in this situation and I chased after the man.  I carefully placed my mom down, I kissed her on the cheek, closed her eyes and  ran. I grabbed the bat that my mom keeps near her bed since we were robbed last summer, hopped out the window and chased him down the alley. He was a little far ahead and I knew that once he turned down that corner I would lose him. So I did the only thing that came to mind and threw the bat at him. 

Ah!

Gotcha!

He fell to ground, cradling his head,and  I jumped on top of him. He was pretty short for a guy and was rather skinny. Most guys around here usually are skinny, as if the drugs are inhaled and their body fat is exhaled.  I've been in many situations were I was forced to defend myself and after while you learned how to not get the crap beaten out of you.

We struggle for a while, throwing punch after punch at each other . I just need to see his face, to see the bastard that took my mom away from me! I put m knees on his arms to keep him pinned down and grabbed at his face. He kept wiggling his face but i got a good grip of his hockey mask and ripped it off.

No!

I hear sirens wailing down the block headed towards our direction and made the mistake of looking up. He wriggled his arms from underneath me while I was distracted and pushed me off of him. The newly revealed figure ran off into the night at God's speed.

I just sat there, in that alley with my mouth gaped open and my eyes gaped open.  I haven't seen him in 10 years and now he's back.

Dad.