While You Were Gone: A 13 Reasons Why/HP Fanfic

Prologue

My hands are shaking. This wasn't to be unexpected, to be honest. I knew I'd be scared. But the pain is overpowering the fear. Each scar I have burns. My throat is dry, but the liquid in the vial looks very soothing. Silvery, thin. It's so cold that it's causing condensation on the outside of the vial, making it slippery in my hands. Which is weird, because most potions are hot straight out of the cauldron. But this one is cold. And my scars are burning.

My resolve strengthens and I bring the vial to my lips, every moment that led up to this flashing before my eyes. Strangely enough, my heartbeat is steady - slow, almost. As if it knows what's going to happen. I close my eyes as the freezing Sleeping potion touches my lips. This is it.

"Wait," someone whispers in ear. I flinch, almost spilling the potion, and look around wildly. The voice was quiet and sad. So terribly sad. My heart is thumping quickly. Perhaps I imagined it.

He materializes in front of me, then. He's a ghost - that much is sure. I can see through him. But he's wearing Hogwarts robes - Hufflepuff, by the crest on his chest - so he must have been a student. The soft brown of his hair and eyes is muted by death. He looks to be only fourteen; there's still a soft roundness to his face. And I was right. He seems so terribly sad.

"You shouldn't be able to be here," I say tightly; a Hogwarts ghost should only be able to be at Hogwarts. Not in my room at four o'clock in the morning. Not staring at me with mournful, large brown eyes. Like he knows what I'm doing.

"I can leave during instances like these," he nods toward my vial that I have clutched tightly in my hand. "It's my unfinished business, so to speak."

"I just want to go to sleep," I breathe, the ache in my voice obvious. My eyes are stinging. He gives me a look of pity and says in a stage-whisper, "You must want to sleep for a very long time."

The tears fall and I nod slightly, my throat constricting. He sighs and looks around my room, regarding the recent bareness. Before, the walls had been littered with pictures, old graded papers, and letters. My bookshelves had been full to the brim with books, both of muggle and wizard topics. Now? Nothing. I threw them out.

"Whenever a Hogwarts student is... struggling with this, I can feel it," he whispers, that mournful look returning. "My unfinished business is helping you through this."

"Then you'll have to find some other unfinished business," I snap, my slippery grip on the vial tightening. I should just ignore him and drink it now. Then we can both be ghosts with unfinished business and he can leave me alone.

"Aren't you worried about what it will do to your family? Your friends?" he asks softly, pursing his lips tightly. I shake my head, unable to speak. They'll all be better without me. My parents shouldn't be mingling with the magical world. And my friends... Would they stay my friends if they knew it all?

"I've left them a... note," I mutter, remembering the packages I recently sent out. No, once they know... No one will care. They'll probably be relieved that I'm gone, that the secrets I've carried for so long are dead with me.

"Then I'll offer you a deal," he said, a pained expression flitting across his face momentarily before smoothing out to a neutral one. "Let me give you a chance to see the consequences of what you're about to do."

"I can't," my voice is ragged, breaking. The tears are falling quickly now. The liquid is sloshing from the shaking of my hand. "I know... I know the consequences."

"If you can't face the events that your death with catalyze, maybe you should re-evaluate what you're planning to do now," his tone is careful. Logical. Appealing. "I can show you what will happen. Just say yes."

The vial nearly slips from my fingers and I sob, just once. Maybe I'm not ready to do this. Maybe I just need to see... If anyone will even care. I nod jerkily before whispering roughly, "Show me."

A/N: If you feel you are in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. It is a free, 24-hour hotline, at 1.800.273.TALK (8255). Your call will be connected to the crisis center nearest to you. If you are in an emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.

For anyone struggling with thoughts of suicide... There are so many people who care about you and are willing to help. Just ask. And if you want to talk, message me. I will help the best I can.

Always,

♡ Euphoric ♡