Project K- Liam Payne Fanfic

04

04

Liam

August 9th, 2013

Count: 300 days since crash

Two weeks until my twentieth birthday.

I should be excited or maybe even scared because it is the big two-oh. But I'm neither. I'm just numb, I guess is the only way to explain it.

The therapist gave me this journal to write down my thoughts on the first session right after I was discharged from the hospital- which was May 4th, 2013 by the way- but I don't see the point. Writing all my emotions and personal shit in here isn't going to bring Grace back, so why is it so necessary anyways? It's not going to change anything at all, besides the fact that if I actually decide to use this regularly, I could be considered childish for writing in a diary at my age. And I'm also a man, and men aren't supposed to be even close to diaries- we leave all the confessions and secret revealing to the women.

Men.

While I'm on that subject, I heard Niall and Zayn talking about some project they were starting, and when I asked about it, they looked like I had grown two heads. Sure, I've been pretty quiet for almost a month now, but that doesn't mean they have to be so shocked. I mean, I can still talk, I just choose not to sometimes. I find it easier to cope in the silence, like the dark and isolation can help me more than actual people can.

And it's not like anybody pays too much attention to me anymore- I sit in the back at conferences, haven't even thought of tweeting and I only get addressed by management when I'm summoned to therapy sessions. The boys are constantly with me at one point of another, but they don't talk because they know I prefer the silence. And I thank them for that.

But management, that's a whole other story. I'm basically invisible to the point where they book interviews for the rest of the lads but not me, and when asked about my absence, it's always 'oh, he's recovering still.' I don't mind that much, considering talking to the entire world isn't what I prefer to do right now, but I'd still like a little recognition. I want to be invited to parties and interviews and concerts- not that I'd go, but the acknowledgment would be nice. If it weren't for Niall's frequent updates about the fans questioning my recovery, I would be entirely convinced every single person thought I just fell off the face of the earth.

God, I sound so pathetic right now.

Anywho, I figure the project has something to do with trying to get me back on tour. David said that if I wasn't back to the 'old Liam Payne', I wasn't going on tour anytime soon, but I couldn't give a shit about what David says. He's rude, conceited and arrogant, and I personally don't understand why we don't just fire him already. I mean, he was willing to kick my out of my own concert- that's not something you do to someone in my position. However, the Where We Are tour starts up in April of 2014, so I've gotta convince the lads I will be back to normal by then- whatever normal means.

But first, I've just gotta convince myself.

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August 10th, 2013

Count: 301 days since crash

I woke up with a smile on my face.

A fucking smile.

I haven't smiled in a long time, and it feels really, really weird.

But really, really good.

I ate breakfast with a smile too, right between Harry and Zayn, and the whole time, they were giving me stares like someone had possessed me. I guess someone, or something, did because I actually felt happy.