fml forever | A 13 Reasons Why Fanfiction

Prologue

My face is wet with tears as I sit in a waiting room in the ER. My mom is pacing, on the phone with my dad somehow. I don't know how he was able to answer, since he is deployed right now. Her hands shake as she paces. Tears stream down her face too. I don't even hear what she's saying to my dad. My knees are up to my chest, my feet resting at the edge of the chair. I'm rocking back and forth. It feels like I can't breathe.

A doctor comes sulking out of the room she's in. I jump up. My mom drops the phone. She runs up to her and shakes her vigorously.

"Is she okay? Is she alive?" She screams. The doctor looks her in the eyes, a sullen look on her face.

"I am so sorry. She didn't make it." She says. My mom collapses.

My entire body goes numb. I can't seem to feel anything. She's gone. My only sibling. My sister. My twin. I spent every day with her. How could I have not known? How did I not see?

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"Rachel! Open the fucking door!" I yell, slamming my fist against the door.

She's been in the bath for two hours. Water still runs under the door. She must have fallen asleep in the tub again.

"Rachel! What the fuck," I scream again, jiggling the doorknob. It's locked. "I'm gonna go find the skeleton key if you don't open up! I have a date tomorrow and I need a shower!"

I stand there for a couple seconds, with no answer. I stomp away and go find the skeleton key.

I know my mom is going to be super pissed about the fact that there's water all over the wooden floors. It spills into the living room.

I find the skeleton key and walk back to the bathroom. I shove it into the keyhole and push open the door. A wet towel is pushed into the bathroom farther with the door. About a foot of water barrels through the door. It almost knocks me completely down.

"Oh my god! Rachel! What the hell?" I scream, stepping over soaking wet rugs and clothes. I walk around to see Rachel fast asleep in the bathtub. I turn off the water quickly. I inspect her closer. Her lips are purple and her body is cold even though the water is burning hot. Several pill bottles float in the water.

My eyes widen.

"Hey. Rachel. Rachel. Rachel!" I scream, shaking her. I kneel next to the tub. I try shoving my finger down her throat to make her puke. Nothing is working. She doesn't wake up. I pull her into my arms and sob.

"Rachel!" I scream at the top of my lungs. My body is shaking. I can feel myself scream, but I can't hear it. The only thing that brings me somewhat to my senses is the sound of my mom's high heels on the floor.

"Girls! What happened?" I hear her yell. Her footsteps draw closer to the bathroom. She walks in and sees me cradling Rachel. She just stands there, as if she's processing what she's seeing. Her jaw drops, and she shrieks. She drops down and pushes me to the side.

"Rachel! Oh my god! Rachel, honey, wake up!" She screams. She looks back at me. "Call an ambulance! Right now!" She screams. I sprint upstairs to my phone, and dial 911.

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A Week Later

It's time to clear out her room. My mom said I could keep what I wanted and bring it to our new house, but most of it was going to be sold.

I spend hours looking through everything. I decide to only keep some things.

Her stationery set, some of her clothes, her vinyl collection, her comic book collection, her camera set for her YouTube channel, her art set, and her journal.

The rest, we let the movers deal with.

We head out the next morning from Goshen, Indiana, and make the trip all the way to Sebastopol, California, to live with my grandparents on my mother's side.

My mother insisted that we move very far away from where we currently live to avoid any and all conflict with our community. She feels like she's brave, picking everything up and leaving.

I think she's a coward.

I have to pick everything up and leave because Rachel decided to off herself, and mom can't handle what people have to say about it.

She's weak, just like Rachel.

They acted like they had so many problems and Rachel goes and kills herself to deal with it. I can't believe that anyone would be so weak to kill themselves instead of dealing with their problems. I would never kill myself.

I promise you, Rachel; I will never be like you. I won't ever respect you. I will never feel sorry for you. You did this to yourself. You destroyed me, and I'll always hate you for it.