Your love was a suicide letter.

Before you.

It was July 19th, 2012. The last relationship I had, ended on this day. The girl I was with was insane. She was physically and mentally abusive. But for some reason, I never pushed her away. I felt like I needed someone. And if I didn't have someone, I was lonely. When that wasn't the truth. I was just alone. After that break up, I cleaned up my act of the alcohol abuse and drug abuse. I stopped everything... it was impossible. The nights I'd stay up in that bed, trembling, begging for a high to hit me, or finally become drunk again... it was a nightly routine. I'd get home from practice, and I'd enjoy a drink and a smoke. But that's cuz you pushed me so far past my breaking point, that it was my only escape I had left. She pushed my friends away. That crazy bitch. She was the one who made me hate everything. Life was dull... and I never felt that before.. and I hated every damn second of it.
Why didn't I push you away? I can't believe that I kept you around for so long. but in a way, I'm thankful I did.
See, I have this hippy mentality, that every single thing in this world has to happen in the way it was intended to. And if it doesn't happen, it's not supposed to happen.
So I will never say, you were a mistake. Because at one time, you did make me happy. But I look and question how it ever happened so long.
You were a lesson. You helped me. I am now stronger than I have ever been. I've raised my standards and am happier than I've ever been. You gave me a reason to see what life truly is. Your breakup was a blessing. Even if it may have been in disguise.

Jazmyne...
This is something I never told you about because I didn't want you to know bout the pain I once endured. But I promised I'd give you everything I possibly could, as long as you never let me feel that pain ever again. And I knew you wouldn't.