Lucky •Dolan Twins•

Five

Dear Notebook,

Alex came over a couple of hours ago, and I cant sleep. The twins are in the two guest rooms cause I wouldn't let them sleep with me in my room. But anyways, I told Alex everything that I felt the night he ditched me, and the worst part was the twins saw everything. That was so embarrassing I'm surprised I didn't scare them away. As soon as it was over I wanted to lock myself in my room and curl up into a ball and cry forever. Which I actually almost did but the twins didn't allow it cause they somehow figured out how to unlock my door. I love them both, they're so kind, when they broke into my room they sat next to me and hugged and kissed my forehead until I stopped crying. They cuddled with me and we watched more movies, and Ethan fell asleep again, He drooled on my back a little bit, and snored loud enough that me and Grayson couldn't hear the movie anymore, so we just sat there and talked until it got late and I kicked them out. By this time I had changed into my very comfortable body suit, it still has the little wet spot where Mr. Slobber Snore drooled on it. Anyways that's all.... ~Cal 5/17/17

I sighed and put my notebook back under my bed. I grabbed my phone and though why not take a couple of mirror pics and see which one is best for Instagram I took like ten pictures if you're wondering. I posted one and as soon as I did the likes started flowing in. I checked the time and shut my phone off, 1:23 A.M., I still cant sleep, so even though I kicked the boys out I'm going to go sneak into one of their rooms.... not aiming for anyone in particular. I went to one of the guest rooms, to see both of them laying on the bed, but Grayson being the one awake and on his phone, he didn't see or hear me walk in, so I took this as a perfect opportunity for a great scare. I got onto my hands and knees and started to crawl towards the bed. I got right next to where Grayson was laying and popped up really fast, "Boo." "HOLY MOTHER OF GOD" Grayson yelled, causing Ethan to stir, "Shhhhh..." I said laughing, "You're going to wake Ethan up." I warned him, "Gosh what are you doing in here this late!" He whisper yelled, "I couldn't sleep, so I came in here to see if I could sleep better with you guys." I shrugged, "Okay then, you can go in the middle" He pointed to the spot in between him and Ethan. I crawled over him and fit myself in the middle, Ethan started to move, and then he turned to where he was facing me. He opened his eyes quickly, which slightly startled me, "Cal, what are you doing in here?" He groggily asked, " Shh, I couldn't sleep so I came in here, go back to sleep." I said quietly, he wrapped an arm around me and curled up to me. I heard Grayson shut off his phone, and then I felt another arm wrap around me, but this one was Grayson's, I felt him scoot closer to me and put his forehead to my back, and I thought of how lucky I am to be in a Dolan cuddle sandwich.

~

I woke up to the feeling of someone poking me, "Cal.......Cal........Cal.......Cal........Cal.........." Ethan said over and over while he poked my back.........over and over. "What do you want!" I groaned into the pillow, not being happy about being woke up this early. "Jeesh, Grayson made breakfast, and he wants us to eat." he said laughing a little from me being so grumpy. "I do not want to get up." I said keeping my eyes closed, and my face in the pillow. "Come on Cal, lets go eat....." Ethan whined, "Carry me." I commanded, putting my arms out. "I swear you're four." he says, picking me up from the bed, and he carried me bridal style all the way down to the kitchen. "Princess here..." Ethan said looking down at me "Didn't want to get up from the bed unless I carried her." he said rolling his eyes, which made me laugh. "I wouldn't blame her." Grayson said winking to me, I scrunched up my face "Ew, no, put me down, I can walk now." I said causing the two to laugh. "Oh thank God, my arms were going to fall off." Ethan said dramatically, I slapped his arm "Rude." and gave him a dirty look, and he just laughed in response. I walked over to the table and sat down, I checked my phone, "Really Grayson?" I said rolling my eyes at Grayson's comment on my Instagram post from last night.

CalCalCal~ Love having a bed to myself

comments

graysondolan~ No wonder why you wouldn't let us sleep in there..... you wanted to have your own photoshoot

"And yes I did want to have my own photoshoot...But then I got lonely so I scared the crap out of you then went to bed." I said crossing my arms, trying to defend myself, "Holy crap! I didn't notice how many likes I got!" I shrieked in shock, but soon got sick to my stomach once I scrolled through the comments. Every comment I read I got sicker and sicker. "I'm not hungry, you guys go ahead and eat, I'm going to go upstairs and get dressed." I said holding back my tears as best as I could, "Are you sure? Its bacon and pancakes!" Grayson asked, I laughed, hiding the fact that I was on the verge of crying. "Yea I'm sure." I said quickly and ran up the stairs and locked myself in the bathroom...

*** TRIGGER ***

I fell to the floor and cried. I cried as the words ran through my head over and over.

Fat people cant pull off bodysuits omg stop trying

Lol my question is why are the twins hanging out with a slut?

Bitch....Slut.....Fat.....Ugly......Whore.......

All of it just kept running through my head and it wouldn't stop. I looked down at my arms through the blurriness, I saw the light scaring, that reminded me of everything, the bullying, going home with blood and bruises, everything. "Don't do this Cal..." I whispered to myself, trying to ignore the nasty words going through my head, "Stop Please!" I say to myself hoping it will stop the repeating words.

Just a couple of cuts wont hurt....

The little voice in the back of my head kept telling me, I fought the voice as best as I could, "The twins..." I cried to myself, "Don't do this..." I try to fight myself. I end up grunting and throwing myself from the ground, I open the medicine cabinet aggressively, and got my razor blades out. I started to breathe heavy...

One

The voice counted...

Two...

and it kept counting....every cut....I didn't stop at a couple. I stopped at eleven. I cried more as I looked at my arms. "No!" I yelled and sobbed, disappointed in myself...

I could've stopped myself...

"Cal?" I heard my name being called, but I Didn't answer. I just kept looking at my arms and said no. "Cal?" Ethan said out of the door. I just kept sobbing and saying No. "Cal are you okay?" he kept asking "If you don't open the door to show me you're okay I'm breaking it down!" his voice was a blur to me. I just kept crying. Ethans voice was still a blur to me, I could barely hear him, but I could hear him enough to know what hes saying, "Gray!" I heard his voice yell out....but even though he was yelling, he was still quiet to me....

~

You probably know whats going to happen but oh well. But please don't cut :(

~C