Hate

Intense

Hate =a : intense hostility and aversion, usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury
b :  extreme dislike or disgust :  antipathy, loathing.

In my life, the strongest feeling of hate i experienced was, and it still is, towards myself. It is  commonly called self hatred  and, in my case, it brought with it self-destruction.

I don't know if you ever experienced an emotion so strong for so long that it transformed into an every-day-feeling. Being so goddamn  intense, feeling it with every cell in your body..

Do you remember one of those mobsters in american movies, bald in the middle of their head with some hair on the side, big eyes looking furiously at you and shaking with rage, yelling "Give me back my money!!" ?  Yes, well, transform that man into a human body, multiply the rage and instead of the man's phrase, you can hear "Give me pain!!" . That is my body's reaction whenever I fail, once again, at something..anything. I have little to no motivation, so you can imagine what happens in my mind when I don't pass or when something isn't coming the way it should.

I am useless.

I am just a depressed, asocial ( with some antisocial tendencies), sad, mad, hateful, worthless, ugly, fat ass girl that hates her family, her so called friends, her school, her town and above all..she hates herself so much..for being alive, for not successfully killing herself in her past attempts, for just being her and existing  and wasting precious time and space. And for making that one persons she truly cares about upset.

She is I.

I am she.

And I believe there are so many girls and boys out there that maybe feel the same. And I know that no matter what everyone is trying to say, even that one person..maybe they try to make you feel better..but you know yourself. And no matter what they tell you, the hate inside you won't bat an eye.

I feel like shit because I am shit.

I deserve nothing because I am nothing.

I should have not been born.