Confessions

In which Leonardo talks of sexuality

Ezio decides to spend a few days with Leonardo. He has never done that before, has always been too busy avenging his family, intercepting messages, fulfilling contracts for Il Magnifico or the Order. His work as an Assassin has always come first and for the first time in far too long, Ezio feels it is time to give something else -someone else- priority. Ezio does not want to take Leonardo for granted. He wants simply to spend some time by his side as he has done for him countless times.

Leonardo's reputation can do with laying low for a while and Ezio supposes keeping out of sight will do him good too. Guards will be less likely to be on the lookout and rumours of a demon in white roaming Venice will die down. And Ezio worries for his friend. He does not pretend he's been as affected by what happened to Leonardo, but Ezio still feels protective. He feels fear for what could have happened, what if's swarming his mind more than occasionally. Punishing the ones responsible in one way or another did relieve some of his worries. He had gotten the name of the assistant from a reluctant Leonardo after promising he wouldn't kill the boy. He did almost make him faint, Ezio thinks rather proudly.

On the other hand, he worries he's made it even more painstakingly obvious Leonardo and the Assassins share a connection. When he told Leonardo this, he was laughed at. 'Do you really think it's not already obvious,' Leonardo had said, proving once again how readily he puts his life on the line for him. Ezio wonders not for the first time what he has done to deserve a man like Leonardo.

Four days have gone by at La Rosa della Virtù and Leonardo has been coping like he copes with the world around him: by sketching and making notes in the notebooks Ezio brought him. Working continuously seems to have calmed down Leonardo's mind a little and Ezio noticed the twitching in his fingers has ceased along with it. He wonders again how many ideas Leonardo has swimming around in his head, if it's ever quiet in that brilliant mind.

Leonardo is sketching in the courtyard when Ezio comes back, oblivious to his surroundings. It makes Ezio shake his head a little, leaning against the doorframe. He's always enjoyed watching Leonardo work – no matter what he is doing. He bites his lower lip sometimes or scrunches his nose when he doesn't like the results on his paper or canvas. He tilts his head a few degrees and a frown forms on his brow when he concentrates. Leonardo always works with passion. Ezio has a hate/love relationship with the way he becomes entranced with his work and forgets everything around him. It makes him look otherworldly in a way, but it is also dangerous. The Assassin assumes it has just become second nature to be alert at all times. Maybe that's part of why he likes watching Leonardo when he works; so that he can make sure Leonardo will be alright.

Eventually, when the sun begins to set and they'd best go inside before customers start flooding La Rosa, he walks over to Leonardo and taps him on the shoulder. The artist almost jumps from the chair and closes his notebook quickly, his eyes widening and Ezio has the distinct impression he's barely managing to suppress a blush.

"Ezio! H-how long have you been here?"

"Why? Drawing dirty things?"

Now Leonardo does blush bright red and it makes Ezio laugh. He borrows a trick from thieves and leaves through the pages of Leonardo's sketches before the artist can even complain. Ezio doesn't really expect to find anything, isn't even really looking at the pages. But glancing is enough because nearly every page is filled with sketches of him.

At first, Ezio feels flattered to the point his heart skip a beat and he smiles at the artist nervously fiddling with his own fingers and avoiding Ezio's eyes completely. Then, Ezio's down-to-earth ever-present worry takes the upper hand.

"You have to burn these. If anyone finds them-"

"Relax," Leonardo interrupts before he can go on ranting about the dangers of a simple sketch, "I always do. I have sketched you a dozen times."

Now, Ezio does open the sketchbook and properly looks inside. It kind of feels like invading Leonardo's privacy, but the artist would say so if he really minded. Besides, he's the subject of what pages Leonardo has already filled. Ezio with a hood, without a hood. As a young man when they first met, dressed in simple nobleman's clothes, and a slightly older version as he is now, with Assassin robes and a light stubble on his chin. There's one with his hair untied. There's a few when he's frozen and yet moving through mid-air. There are a few sketches of various swords and daggers he's owned, and a detailed one of the hidden blade strapped to his left wrist. It's so detailed he can see calluses on his fingers.

Then, there is one where Ezio holds a courtesan in his arms, his head dipped to kiss the plumpness of her breasts. Her hand is tangled in his hair and she's smiling in clear enjoyment.

Next to that, Ezio sees himself lying down, the same courtesan on top of him with her hands poised on his chest. Ezio's own face shows unadulterated pleasure and he wonders if he really looks like that when he sleeps with women. He feels some heat rising to settle on his cheeks and looks back at Leonardo. There is no doubt in his mind these sketches stem only from Leonardo's imagination, as Ezio has never slept with this girl, if she is even real. It is the detail in the imaginative scenes that gets to him, the expression on his face, the delicate blush on her body. The way his toes are curled and his fingers clutching at her hips. He can almost feel her body against his, the heat between her thighs.

"These are ... amazing." He clears his suddenly dry throat and licks his lips, turning the pages towards Leonardo to show what has him so speechless (and frankly a bit excited). A question burns on his lips. It's spoken like a tease, but Ezio really wonders: "Does drawing these turn you on?"

Leonardo's eyes grow momentarily wide from surprise but not in shame, so Ezio knows he's not lying when he says they don't.

"I slept with a woman once. I didn't like it." He shrugs. "I guess that's why these drawings don't get me excited either."

"Maybe she was horrible in bed and you didn't know," Ezio offers with a smirk curling his lips.

"Oh, she had to have been brilliant. Just not what I wanted."

"What do you want, then?" Ezio wants to slap himself. He already knows what Leonardo wants: Leonardo wants men. But the question holds so much more than he dares ask. Only men? What kind of men? How many has he had? What does he like in bed? Does he top, or does he not care about positions? Has he had real lovers, or did he visit prostitutes? It feels far more intimate than it should have been to ask his best friend about his sexual endeavours but Ezio feels such desire to get to know him like that. He's been assuming Leonardo spends more attention to scholarly adventures than intimate ones and has not a lot of interest in pursuing the latter.

Leonardo seems to read his thoughts to some extent because he thinks longer than Ezio would have thought he would. Granted, Ezio thought he would laugh at him and avoid the question altogether. Instead, Leonardo answers truthfully and seriously.

"Someone who knows what they want. Confident, unashamed to feel attraction towards me. But it has to be a man. I don't feel attracted otherwise. I want that attraction, feel it for myself and from my lovers. But it's hard to come by in a world where relationships like that are frowned upon at best."

The more Leonardo speaks, the more Ezio feels uncomfortable. He's still trying to decide whether it is embarrassment or misplaced jealousy. Leonardo smiles a bit apologetically, despite Ezio having asked first.

"This is making you uncomfortable. Let's go inside. I had one of the girls pick up a bottle of Chianti, to celebrate the fact I'm still alive and I have you to thank for it."

He hugs Ezio then, as amicably as Ezio is used to, but suddenly it feels too distant for Ezio's tastes. He wonders if Leonardo thinks he is attractive.

Ezio sure thinks Leonardo is.