Confessions

In which Leonardo talks of love

"I fell in love before," Leonardo says as they're on their second cup of wine, "before I was arrested in Firenze." There's a pause and he bites his lip, to Ezio's great delight. "I've never been able to talk about it before. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Tell me." He rests his chin on his hand and holds his cup with the other. The Chianti tastes sweetly warm on his tongue and Ezio thinks that between the two of them in this small attic room, the bottle will be empty far too soon.

"There was a young man, two years younger than I was. He used to be a model at Maestro Verocchio's studio and we got along well enough. We were almost friends; it was easy back then. When I got my own studio, he came to model for me. I had no assistants at the time and we grew a lot closer, having only each other to talk to for hours at a time. He stayed for dinner, then stayed for wine. In the end he stayed to share my bed."

Despite wanting to hear the story of Leonardo's life before he knew him, Ezio feels the sting of jealousy at seeing the fond little smile on Leonardo's lips. He knows his friend well enough to see that the young man hadn't just shared Leonardo's bed, but had gotten his heart and soul. Leonardo pushes his now-empty cup a little towards Ezio, who takes the hint and refills it. When he lifts the cup to his lips, the smile has gone and made room for a sadness in Leonardo's eyes Ezio quite suddenly wants to kiss away. Leonardo continues:

"He wasn't the first man I'd kissed and I'd had my own views on love and God and what was right for a while, but he was the first I shared my bed with. I fell in love too easily, was swayed by the intensity of how it felt to share something intimate. I was too absorbed by the mechanics of love and sex to realise that what we were doing was careless if not dangerous. We left next to nothing to the imagination and when someone inevitably accused him, he forgot the whispers of love we'd exchanged when he shared my bed and told them I'd taken advantage. Florence did not usually prosecute my kind, until it decided it'd had enough of the jokes of Florentine sodomites and wanted an example made. I ..."

Leonardo bites his lip and shakes his head a little, brow furrowed and eyes cast down. His face is a mixture of grief, fear and pain. Ezio thinks maybe this wasn't a good idea, telling the story of his earlier imprisonment when he's only just recovering from recent trauma. Yet he does not interrupt, instead wanting to let Leonardo decide what he wants to tell, if he wants to continue. He reaches out across the table and touches his hand briefly, hopes it is a reminder that Leonardo is safe here, that he is respected here. That he is cared for. Leonardo's eyes reach Ezio's for a moment and he smiles appreciatively before shrugging.

"A wealthy patron and friend pulled some strings and I will never be able to thank them enough for what they've done. Afterwards, I avoided such relationships for the most part. Charges might be dropped, but whispers never are. My assistant must have thought me an easy target, with charges already in my past. And stupidly, I was."

By the end of his story, Ezio has filled Leonardo's cup for the third time and he downs it completely. Leonardo hurts still and Ezio wonders if it's the recent trial that's been so hard on him, or if it's the remnants of the broken heart from years ago. He cannot imagine how it must have felt to Leonardo never to let someone close. He seems to have such an easy time making friends. He remembers how easy it was for them to become as close as they are now, remembers Leonardo's first hugs, amicable from the start. As if he wants to set a border and then stay close to it so it won't accidentally be crossed.

"You are only human. Yes, even you, my brilliant Leonardo," Ezio says affectionately, a smile tugging at his lips. He wonders if Leonardo would really be easy to seduce and mentally berates himself for thinking something so crude, especially after Leonardo's shared heartbreak.