It was 3. am. It was in April. It was cold and dark. And i felt more depressed than ever. More alone than ever. And i just thought, well, shit. Because i was about to relapse. About to ruin my recovery in self-harm. I was 2 months clean. 2 months free. And I just hoped I would stay strong and not break that.
But.
The blade was right there. At my night-table. And i just couldn't help but look at it. Stare at it. Craving it. I picked it up. I looked at it. The not-so-sharp-anymore blade with stains of dried blood. It was cold. Just like my soul. And all I wanted to do was to drag it by my skin and watch the blood drip down on the white covers.
I remembered the feeling. All of the pain released from me. And suddently, it had all happened. And i felt so bad. Incredibly bad. So bad that I couldn't bare the pain. So i cut again. And then I felt bad, so I cut again. And again, and again. It was an endless circle that I couldn't stop. I helped just as much as it hurt. And it felt as good as it felt bad. And oh God I felt so trapped.
I stayed up all night, thinking about how the fuck I ended here. Cutting myself, smoking, drinking, depressed. And the worst thing was, that I knew that it was all my fault.
First story!! I'm so excited. So this story is pretty much a real story, of me. All of these things have really happened in my life. Most of the pictures in this story are also mine, so please don't share without permission, thank you. Hope you enjoy xx
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5. am thoughts
De TodoSo this is my first story ever, and I'm so excited!! This is a story about me. All of this has happened to me in real life. Also have to put a trigger warning, this story contains cutting, self-harm depression and thoughts of suicide. There's also s...
