Poems of My Saudade

Short and Sweet

My poems are always long and overdrawn
So I'll keep this one short and sweet.

Every day I pretend I don't miss you,
When all I want is you and me.

Paint a smile on my face and go on about my day,
Pretend I'm done fighting, like I don't have anything more to say.

Hear your name and act like I'd never known you,
Push the thoughts of you to the back of my mind and disown you.

Throw around always like that wasn't our thing,
Don't think about when you promised me a ring.

Breathe through the tears when all I want to do is holler,
Lie in bed and force myself to sleep so I don't break down like a coward.

Pretend this new guy is enough,
Like the taste of his lips could equate to your love.

Delete everything because I'm sick of it all,
I'm fed up.

Forget how easily you left me,
And remember that my love comes with a fee.
You don't get that shit for free

And act like that little apology hadn't remedied my soul,
Hide a grin behind my hand and think about giving it another go.

And then realize that I'm wrong, I'm always wrong
And you'll forever be you.
You don't care about me at all,
I see right through it even when you pretend to.
So now I'm done, thoroughly done
And as of now I no longer give a fuck.
Because we were both players in this,
I was just the one with bad luck.
It's funny how you've made every one of us fall for you,
So hard that we ignored the feeling in our guts.
Well I don't know about them,
But it's true for me, I should've given you up
As soon as I had the chance
As soon as you pulled your first stunt
Because four years of that—shit, five, damn I've really been stuck.
Five years of you weighing me down
And I'm finally giving you up.
Five years of invalidation and mistrust,
And things are finally
Finally looking up.

You keep coming to me
As though I'd stoop to your level
Blow a kiss your way
And come back to dance with the devil.
But baby boy,
This is not how this works,
You have no idea what love is
And I won't be the one to show you its perks.