A State of numbness

A state if numbness

Dedicated to all those children who are both physically and mentally bullied. To those children who feel as though they are trapped in a world of chaos and feel alone.

I am hollow. I am nothing. I feel nothing.
The world doesn't stop for me, it keeps going, time never stops. It seems that time's sole role is to just tick away as I and many others continue our sorrow filled excuses of a life.
My time mealy slows, as though I am trapped in slow motion, watching pain and suffering that I can't control. My life is a mess, my mind is a void of darkness stretching far into the unknown, leaving me in a state of numbness.
At first it was words; simple harmless words of abuse. Verbal Abuse. Words that brought pain and worthlessness. The words were meant to make me stumble, not fall. They were designed to make me feel weak, not cause me to be in agony, the words that brought on headaches.
I don't think they realised the full extent of those harsh words. The confusion they cause me to feel, sends my thoughts spinning.
The words that stirred a monster to break free, buried deep inside my body. The words that broke down the walls of the cage holding the beast. The creature that and will continue to break my heart, soul and mind, turning my mind to nothingness and my feelings to turn of altogether, leaving me without any trace of positive emotions and sometimes even the negatives. Turning me into just a shell of what I used to be.
Eventually, the words got more and more abusive, causing my mind and body to shake so violently when I saw them. I was convinced my body was a constant earthquake, never ceasing to stop. The words began to start coming with blows, more pain and more numbness. The blows were hard and gave me bruises that were there for weeks. The bruises ran all up and down my weak, defenceless body. My already naturally pale skin began to become practically white and purple, giving off an unhealthy glow.
And before I knew it I became a picture-perfect victim, a victim of that harsh thing we call bullying.
I was a ghost of who I was, I had lost all except three emotions, sadness, anger and fear. I seemed to become, over the years, a living, breathing version of death. My heart had become black and my eyes had lost all capability of crying away my suffering. I was stuck in reality, no escapes, just numbness.
I had severe depression.
I had depression and I could do nothing except watch as I fell further into the dark void in my mind.
I often wondered how I had become like this, but then a remember them. The people that cause me so much grief and hurt.
I need closure, I need to leave. I need to go before I hurt others. But if I leave it doesn't mean it will give me complete closure to the problem. Plus, I was taught to not run from my problems.
There is only one way, but I don't think I can bring myself to do it. I can't, I couldn't. It would kill all those people who care about me. I don't want to hurt them, I don't want anyone to feel this way, but I can't live like this...

A/N : this is NO way to solve problems. If you ever feel any of these symptoms you should talk to a trusted adult and try to solve things before your problem's, get worse. This is based on real happenings and issues in the world. These issues are VERY sad and should be treated with maturity and is NO joke.  

Love dreamongirl03 xxxoooxo