Blue

Conversations

I walked up to Mary's door and knocked. I had to find a way to get her to put Emma back in homeschooling. Because, I can't go each day with looking at this girl, knowing what I've done. And I know should delete the photos, but I can't.

The door had opened and Mary Margaret and had a big smile on her face.

"Come in" she had motioned her hand to tell me to come in.

I had stepped in the house, and just felt more guilt hit my body.

"You have to take Emma out of public school" I let out.

"Why on earth do I have to do that?" She questioned. "Did something happen?"

Well, yes. Something did but it's my fault.

"No. Just don't think it's the right place for her. I think she's more accustomed to home schooling instead." I explained.

"I talked to her today, and she said she had a good day and couldn't wait to go back" Mary smiled. "So, I don't see the problem?" She looked confused.

"Just public school is way more different than home schooling" I tried to explain more.

"And Regina, we know. Emma and I had went over everything before I had sent her to public school." Mary explained back.

None of what I said was working.

"You should consider homeschooling her again" I stated. I was running out of things to keep her with homeschooling. "The teachers at this school are rude, and Emma doesn't deserve that"

I was trying so hard to run fake reasons through my mind and then blurt them out. So, I wouldn't have to deal with this guilt anymore. So, when I went to school I wouldn't have to look at her and feel guilty.

"Regina, Emma is perfectly capable of going to public school. And she will stay there" Mary had got up to throw out her empty water bottle.

Fuck.

"Okay, I'm going to head out now. We could chat another day" I stared getting up and made my way out.

There was absolutely no way I could get this woman to homeschool her daughter.

I went to my car, and sat for a little bit.

Maybe, if I delete the pictures I won't feel as guilty.

I pulled out my phone and looked at each photo deeply before deleting it.

Once, I was done. I had drove home. I still felt pretty guilty for what I did. But I did it for my pleasure, and I got that pleasure and now they're deleted. they're gone.

I headed home, made dinner, and before I knew it was time for bed.

I laid down and all I could think about was Emma, and those pictures. I could only think about looking her in the face tomorrow. Maybe she'll be absent or maybe I won't feel this way tomorrow, maybe I'll be better.

--

I woke up the next morning, not feeling better at all. I still felt the same guilt, same fear from last night. Except now, it's only worse.

I had got dressed and made my way towards my car, then towards the school.

I arrived and set up my lesson plan for the day, once I had got inside the classroom. I really wasn't ready to look at her face again. I mean not because it wasn't beautiful, because trust me it is. It's just because of what I've done. I shouldn't of done it.

Before I knew it class had started, and I saw her walking in. I couldn't even look at her, but I could feel her stare on me.

Once I had the courage to look up, I did. And she was staring at me. But why? I couldn't talk to her right now about it. So, after class sounded like a plan.

"Emma, could we talk after class?" I questioned.

"Yes, Ms. Mills" she said.

I would prefer Regina from her. But I have to remember we're in class and that seems inappropriate and suspicious.

This class period had went by slow. I just needed to talk to Emma, which is probably why it went by so slow. I swear I didn't look at the clock for a good thirty minutes, and it's only moved a tiny bit. Could this go any slower?

I tried to speed up the teaching process, thinking the class would go faster. And it didn't. The clock was still ticking at its normal speed. At the speed it always ticks.

Finally, the long awaited bell had rung. I sat down and waited for Emma to come to my desk.

Maybe I should tell her what I did.
Maybe I should tell her about the pictures.
Or maybe I shouldn't.
Maybe it's good for her to know.
Or maybe it's not.
Maybe she'll be okay with what I did.
Or maybe she won't.
But I think it's better to tell her, what I did.
Or maybe it's not.

All these thoughts continued to run through my mind, I wanted to tell her, but I didn't. Because with my luck, I know it wouldn't go as planned.

"Yes, Ms Mills?" She questioned.

"Huh?" I asked confused. I guess I was so into my thoughts that I didn't even realize she was talking to me.

"You wanted to see me after class" she stated.

"Oh yeah" I paused. "I don't know if this public school is a good idea" I stated.

"I like it here, and it's much better than homeschooling. I made lots of friends already. I don't see a point to homeschooling anymore, Ms Mills" she softly smiled.

I had to tell her why she couldn't come here. Maybe she wouldn't come if I told her. Or maybe she'd tell the principal. But maybe I also had to take that risk. It's a scary risk, but I can't teach her and want to date her, knowing what I did.

"I took photos of you that day I came over, and I regret it I do. Not saying that you're body isn't beautiful. In fact, it is beautiful and it forever will be beautiful in my mind. But I regret invading your privacy and I just can't continue to teach you knowing what I did so this is why I need you homeschooled" I explained.

She had stayed quiet for a little bit, and ended up getting up.

"Emma" I said.

"Have a nice day" she responded.

And that's how our conversation ended. I didn't know if she was mad angry or upset. I guess eventually I'd know, or maybe I wouldn't. Maybe they'd keep it a secret from me. Or possibly they wouldn't.

I just wish I knew how she felt. I wish I knew what she was feeling inside. I wish I knew.