Maya's mouth was completely dry as she guiltily forced herself to look into the waitress's stormy eyes, which were shooting off sparks of fury in her direction.
"Goodness gracious! I hope I'm not causing any trouble here," Tiffany cooed, her syrupy sweet voice tinged with venom. "It appears I've stumbled upon some sort of lover's quarrel, for which I must beg your pardon. I had no idea, stud-muffin', that you and this meaner than a wet panther of a little girl, who likes comparing me to tentacled sea creatures and bitches in heat, were an item." Maya winced at the realization of just how much the waitress had overheard. "But up until this very moment I'd always been under the impression that you were a free agent, Nick."
THAT DID IT! Her embarrassed discomfort completely annihilated, Maya literally saw red.
"Nick? NICK? Listen, Booberella, let me make something clear. His name is Phoenix Wright. Nobody, but nobody calls him Nick but me. You got that?"
"Um, I call him Nick, too..." Larry interjected feebly.
Nobody paid any attention. All eyes at the table were on the incensed Maya and steely-eyed Phoenix, whose face was flushed with anger and embarrassment.
"Maya, I have no idea what's gotten into you tonight!" He yelled. "First you make inappropriate comments towards poor, clueless Larry, who doesn't know better not to take you seriously..."
"Hello, do you people not see me?" Larry muttered.
Phoenix ignored him, he was too busy getting worked up and was in full courtroom lawyer, finger-pointing mode. "Plus you've been making unprecedented acerbic remarks, staring daggers at me all night for who knows what reason, and now you go and insult this nice waitress about her, um, endowments for no apparent cause. What the hell is your problem?"
"Yeah, why ya done got yer knickers in twist, missy?" Tiffany pursed her pillowy lips, her expression still livid. "Don't go gittin yer gussie up, cuz I ain't the type of hussy to mow another girl's grass, ya hear? So tell me something, Nick." She looked contemptuously at Maya. "I never saw a ring on your finger, so I'd done assumed you were fair game. Is Harlot O'Hara there your girlfriend or what?"
"M-me? A harlot?!" Maya was spluttering with rage, she was so angry. "Says the girl in the barely-there Daisy Duke shorts she can't even bend over in and the implants ready to bust the seams of that handkerchief she's passing off as a shirt!"
"I ain't got no dang implants!"
"Yeah, right, Silicon Valley, and this stifling bustier I'm wearing under this damn dress is actually making breathing easier!"
"Objection!" Phoenix exploded. "That's enough, Maya! Tiffany, I'm so sorry. No, Maya here is not my girlfriend. She's just had a few too many drinks tonight, or is possibly PMSing..."
The tension-filled silence at the table following his last words was deafening. Even Tiffany looked shocked. Everyone's eyes now switched abruptly from Phoenix to Maya, who had risen from her seat and looked like a volcano about to erupt.
"Oh man..." Larry whimpered, burying his face in his hands and sliding down so low in his chair only the spiky tips of his hair could be seen.
"You porcupine-headed prick!" Maya hissed and without further warning, promptly tossed her martini right into Phoenix's astonished face before storming away from the table.
Tiffany wisely chose this moment to make a hasty retreat.
Phoenix sat there, spluttering, while droplets of icy vodka and fruity mixture dribbled down his face from his hair and onto his shirt. He gratefully accepted the handful of paper napkins Gumshoe hastily handed him and tried to dry himself off as best as he could with the flimsy material.
YOU ARE READING
Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman
FanfictionThis is the story that my initial song-fic, "I Would Break Every Law For You" is based out of. Phoenix has yet to realize that denial is more than just a river in Egypt pertaining to his feelings for his former office assistant, and Maya is finally...
