Abuse | Zarry / Ziall Fanfiction

Chapter Sixteen | My Note To You

Zayn's Point of View

Day 15

My mind is spinning. Everything is happening so fast. And I'm getting frustrated with myself. It's like I'm not even human anymore. I have immediate feelings to everything, but as I get to thinking of it, all I feel is numb. I feel exactly the same. Numb and empty and lifeless.

Numb. Empty. Lifeless.

And maybe that's just what I should be. Lifeless. God knows people would be better off.

As a tear slipped from my cheek, I closed the journal and slipped it under my bed once again. Niall was still in love with me? That was impossible to think of for me. I'd spent the whole day up in my room, and I thought. I was so stressed, my mind wandered to unthinkable places, and I couldn't control it. The thoughts begun again.

"I could take the knife in my dresser and stab myself-"

"I could jump out this window and-"

"Or I could take-"

"Or I could-"

"Or-"

I put myself face-down into my pillow and screamed. I couldn't take it anymore. And as I begun to think, I also begun to realize that tonight was the night. Tonight was the night, I kept telling myself. But how?

At around two in the morning, I pulled the journal from under my bed and started to write again. I sobbed as I wrote and my vision was blurry, but I didn't stop. As I finished, I walked downstairs and set it face-up on the counter.

I took a deep breath, and I closed my bedroom door behind me.

I'd prepared myself long ago for this very situation. The boys had no clue that it had even been in the house. But it had, locked away in a box under my bed. I'd forgotten it was even there until this very moment. In fact, I had two things prepared in that box. 

And, saying a final goodbye to the world, I tied the noose, opened the whiskey, popped the pills, and loaded the gun as an emergency exit if all else failed.

----

Harry's Point of View

It was late, late at night and I was awoken. As I had gone to make my way downstairs for a drink, I heard loud crying. Absolutely terrified at that moment, I realized it was coming from Zayn's room. I rushed and went to go open the door, but it was locked, and seemingly barricaded. I shouted his name, but I only heard crying from inside. Finally, I managed to kick the door open, and rush inside just to see my worst nightmare coming to fruition. 

He didn't even acknowledge me as he stood on the chair, an empty whiskey bottle on his bed and another bottle devoid of pills on the floor. He had just kicked the chair over as I rushed over to him. And I had gotten there just in time to save him from dying. I quickly pushed him out of the rope and he fell to the ground, curling up and sobbing.

He quickly backed away and reached under his bed, revealing a metal box. He opened it and to my absolute surprise, pulled a pistol out, and it was seemingly fully loaded. Quickly, I had backed away myself with my hands up.

"Zayn!" I yelled, honestly just trying to get the other boys' attention. Eventually, after trying to persuade Zayn into putting it down didn't work, Niall joined us in the room and Zayn's aim immediately went to him. He gasped, but forced himself not to scream. As I begun talking to Zayn again, I gestured to Niall. At first he didn't understand, but soon, he did. As Zayn was distracted, Niall jumped for it and tried to wrestle the gun from his hands. 

It didn't work, needless to say.

Suddenly, there was a gunshot. Thankfully, Niall hadn't been shot.

But Zayn had.

----

It had been hours now, and Zayn was quickly rushed to the hospital. He had accidentally pulled the trigger, and it went through his shoulder, just passing his head by an inch. I quickly explained to Liam and Louis, who never knew about any of this, what had happened.

And we had decided to drive there together instead of heading in the ambulance, as the paramedics said themselves we might be in the way. And then I noticed it. A journal, sitting on the counter, open. Quickly, I grabbed it and we headed off.

----

While waiting outside of the ICU, I mentioned the journal, and we decided to read what was inside.

----

Day 16

Tonight is the night I do it. I'm so sorry that I'm doing this, but I have to. I just can't take it anymore. Here is my note to you:

Liam:
I'm sorry I never had enough courage to even tell you what was going on in the first place. But you'll have to get someone else to explain now. I won't go into detail. But Liam, you're one of my four best friends, and man, you're amazing. You kept me sane, at least for a little while. I knew I could trust you with the information, I was just too scared to tell. A lot has been going on, and I'm sorry you had to find out this way. I love you, man.

Louis:
Same to you. I'm sorry you never even knew why I did this in the first place. You're hilarious, and one of the only people who could always put a smile on my face. Love you, bro.

Harry:
I'm sorry. For everything. It wasn't a mistake. None of it. I realize now that I was just caught up. The kiss was on purpose, but I couldn't help myself from saying it was a mistake because I was scared. I'm sorry you have to find out about THIS like this. Maybe, just maybe, I should add this here: I love you. Legit.

Niall:
I'm sorry to you too. I'm sorry that I've crushed your heart. But I want you to know that I'll still always love you, no matter what. Hopefully you can still love me for this. Thanks for being there and letting me know so often that I could trust you that I actually got the courage to tell you. Thanks for being the only one I knew believed in me. Thanks.

Myself:
I'm stuck with you. Which kind of sucks. 

And to all of you:
I love you all, more than words can describe. You're my best friends, and I'm glad it lasted this long. I love you guys. Seriously. Thanks for always being there for me. And please, when I'm gone, don't cry too hard. I'm not worth it.

( AN: OHHHHHHH SNAP )': this escalated quickly )