.prologue.

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2013
Esther

"Why is Papa leaving?"

Mommy glanced at me from across the room as she let go of Papa's hand. Her eyes were grass, bright and streaked red. Her hair was jagged, the color of dirt mixed with the sun. She smiled, but it was weak, almost invisible, stopping short before it could reach her eyes. I listened to her soft footsteps come to me, her soft touch filling my senses.

"Papa's just going on a trip, dove," she voiced, her words like the air. "His work needs him to be there." I closed my eyes for a second. Papa's clothes were green and brown and grey melting together, his boots dark brown with thin laces. He had a bag on his body, a hat on his head. His face was set with determination.

Papa always had trips every time the earth spun around the sun, always had papers to bring to the giant bird I saw in the pale sky. He always came back with something different about him. He always left the same.

My big sister's arms wrapped around my waist, her chest rising and falling against my back, my baby sister crawling over to the three of us. My eyes opened, and Mommy's face was stained black, though she brushed a lock of red behind my ear.

My big sister asked, "When will Pop come back?"

I watched with confusion as Mommy look up at her slowly, the same weak smile crossing her emotionless features. It was like she knew the answer before she even spoke.

"Soon, dear."

So I waited for hours, days, months. They seemed to drag forever. I waited to hear his deep voice, the twisting of the lock, the rattling of his keys, the neighbor's dog barking upon his arrival. I waited for the house to come to life. One night, I was awake on the couch, my big sister holding me. Mommy's rough sobs rang through the paper walls.

I had asked her, "Han, why is Mommy sad?"

My sister looked down at me. "Mommy's just had a rough day at work, Bunny."

I wrote Papa letters every day, but they never made it through the sky in the giant bird. Still, at the same time each sunrise, my pencil touched the paper. I waited for Papa to respond, waited for him to come back.

He never did.
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