Why am I still here? Can someone remind me? {S/MB}

ʜᴏʜ ʜᴏʜ ʜᴏʜ?

ʜᴇʀᴇ's ᴀ ʟɪsᴛ ᴏғ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴs ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ғᴏʀ 2ᴘ! ᴘʀᴜssɪᴀ.

1) ᴅᴇsᴘɪᴛᴇ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴏғ ᴀs ᴀ ʀᴜᴅᴇ, ᴀɴᴛɪsᴏᴄɪᴀʟ ᴊᴇʀᴋ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ғɪʀsᴛ ᴍᴇᴇᴛɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ, ʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛs ᴛᴏ sʜᴏᴡ ʜɪs ʟᴏᴠɪɴɢ ᴀɴᴅ ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ ᴇᴍʙᴀʀʀᴀssᴇᴅ sɪᴅᴇ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ sᴛᴀʀᴛ ʙᴇᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ᴄʟᴏsᴇ.

2) ʜᴇ ɪsɴ'ᴛ ғᴜʟʟʏ ᴍᴜᴛᴇ. ʜᴇ ᴊᴜsᴛ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴀʟᴋs ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ɪғ ʜᴇ ᴛᴀʟᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʜɪɢʜᴇʀ ᴛʜᴇɴ ᴀ ǫᴜɪᴇᴛ ᴡʜɪsᴘᴇʀ, ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ sᴛᴀʀᴛs ᴄᴏᴜɢʜɪɴɢ, ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ ᴡᴏʀsᴇ.

3) ᴀʟᴏɴɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇʟʏ ᴍᴜᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ ᴀ ᴍɪssɪɴɢ ᴀʀᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴡᴀs ʀᴇᴘʟᴀᴄᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀ ʀᴏʙᴏᴛɪᴄ ᴏɴᴇ, ʜᴇ ɪs ᴀʟsᴏ ᴘᴀʀᴛʟʏ ʙʟɪɴᴅ ɪɴ ᴏɴᴇ ᴇʏᴇ (ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ʜɪs ʀɪɢʜᴛ ᴇʏᴇ ᴀᴛ ᴄᴇʀᴛᴀɪɴ ᴀɴɢʟᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇsᴛ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ɪᴛ's ᴊᴜsᴛ ʙʟᴜʀʀʏ) ᴀɴᴅ ʜᴇ ʜᴀs ᴛʀᴏᴜʙʟᴇs ʜᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ ᴀᴛ ᴛɪᴍᴇs.

4) ɪɴ ʜᴜᴍᴀɴ ᴀᴜ, ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴀ ᴛʀᴀɢɪᴄ ᴄᴀʀ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇᴅ ʜɪᴍ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ sᴏ ᴍᴇssᴇᴅ ᴜᴘ. ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴏᴜᴛ ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ʙᴇᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍs ʜᴇ ᴡᴀs ʜᴀᴠɪɴɢ (ʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ʜɪs ɢɪʀʟғʀɪᴇɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴍᴀɴ). ʜᴇ ᴅʀᴀɴᴋ ᴛᴏᴏ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀʀᴛᴇᴅ ᴅʀɪᴠɪɴɢ ʜᴏᴍᴇ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀsɴ'ᴛ ʜɪs ᴅʀɪɴᴋɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛ. ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴀʟᴄᴏʜᴏʟs ғᴀᴜʟᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴍᴀᴋɪɴɢ ʜɪᴍ ʜᴀᴠᴇ sᴜᴄʜ sʟᴏᴡ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴄᴀᴜsᴇᴅ ʙʏ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴀᴄᴄɪᴅᴇɴᴛᴀʟʟʏ sᴇʀᴠɪɴɢ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʀᴏɴɢ ʟᴀɴᴇ. ʙᴇғᴏʀᴇ ʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʀᴇᴀᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀ ᴡᴇɴᴛ sᴛʀᴀɪɢʜᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʜɪs ᴀs ᴀɴᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴄᴀʀ ᴄʀᴀsʜᴇs ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴏғ ʜɪᴍ, ᴜɴᴀʙʟᴇ ᴛᴏ sᴛᴏᴘ ɪɴ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ ᴋɪʟʟᴇᴅ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴ ᴡʜᴏ sᴡᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀɴᴇ. ʜᴏᴡᴇᴠᴇʀ, ɪɴ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛʀʏ ᴀᴜ, ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀᴜsᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛᴇᴜᴛᴏɴɪᴄ ᴋɴɪɢʜᴛs ᴄᴏɴsᴛᴀɴᴛ ғᴀɪʟᴜʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇғᴇᴀᴛ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴜssɪᴀ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʜᴇ ɪs. ʜᴇ sᴜғғᴇʀᴇᴅ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ɢɪʟʙᴇʀᴛ ʜᴀʀᴅʟʏ ʜᴀᴅ ᴀ sᴄʀᴀᴛᴄʜ ᴅᴏɴᴇ ᴛᴏ ʜɪᴍ.

5) ᴡʜᴇɴ ʜᴇ ᴅᴏᴇs sᴘᴇᴀᴋ, ʜᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ ɪɴ ɢᴇʀᴍᴀɴ, ʏᴇᴛ ʜᴇ ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅs ᴀʟᴍᴏsᴛ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏ ʟᴀɴɢᴜᴀɢᴇ.