Cancer Calls

Two

The next day I woke up early. I wasn't feeling dizzy, but was nervous.

I am always nervous and anxiety kicks within me when it's the time for my check ups.

Anxiety of how my condition has turned. Has it turned bad which I know is true ninety nine percent of the time or have i improved which I know can be true only if I am lucky in that one percent.

I dressed in clean clothes and reached downstairs.

"There's bread and butter on the table", mom called from the kitchen.

I was immersed in my own thoughts, so I didn't even hear her talk until she came and tapped on my shoulders and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just you know...", I walked towards the table.

"Don't worry Ron. You will be fine. Just don't stress about it okay", she tried to convince me that I would be fine. But we both knew that I could never be fine.

I had a cup of coffee and walked towards the door. Mom took the car keys, locked the home and asked me to wait there until she got the car.

After some time we reached the hospital.

My mum asked me to call her, once I was done with the check up.

As i reached the door to the doctors room, I saw three people already there before me, waiting for their turn. So, i took a seat.

After some time my head started to hurt. It was obviously because I was stressed. When my name was called I went to the door and opened it.

"Good morning Ron. Please take a seat", the doctor said. I wished him Good morning and sat in front of him.
"So how are you feeling today?", he asked.

"I don't know. My head is aching now and I keep forgetting what I have been doing all day. For example, I don't remember anything what I did yesterday and if I try to recall them, my head hurts", I felt like I was talking incoherently to him.

He asked me to remove my glasses and shined bright light into my eyes and asked me if I could see it. I could, but it was a little blurred.

He made me do several tests and scans. He went through the reports and asked me to call my mom. Mom reached in some time and took a seat next to me.

"His perception of light has started to decrease, which means the tumour size has started to increase in size. So he can't be missing his chemo from now onwards. But nothing to worry. We will be doing our best. Let's see for the results in a month again".

I froze on my seat for a while when I heard the doctor talk to my mom. I got up from my seat and walked towards the door.

I heard my mom calling my name, but I was just not ready to face anyone.

"Ron, where are you going?", my mom asked.

"I just need to clear my mind. I will be back in an hour or so. Don't worry about me, I will be fine", I said focusing my gaze on to the ground.

She said okay and let me go.

I continued wandered on the streets. Just like the way how my life was going these days.

I wanted to pull the breaks and stop this journey. Stop it permanently. Because I was fed up of giving myself the hopes of finding the light.

I wanted to accept the reality. But at the same time there was a small ray of hope, which was an illusion but yet I wanted to walk towards it.

Why should I be taking chemo, medicines, chemo again when I know that I'm going to die some day?

I didn't want to answer my questions. I didn't want to pull myself down. I wanted to make myself feel better.

However be the situation, I wanted to smile. I wanted to fight back all these demons inside me. I wanted to live because I had to.

A/n: Sorry guys I know it's been a long time. I was stuck with my Uni, life and stuffs. Hope you all are doing better. And have a nice weekend. See ya all soon with a new update.