Beyond hard times

Hard times

Hayley's POV

05/03/2016

Dear Myself

    Life can be cruel. I've always believed in moving on and letting go from bad situations and bad people, I've always believed that being the best version of yourself and treating others with kindness would be enough to have a full circle of good and loyal friends in your life. I've been like this, acted like this and preached this everyday of my life, but in the end of the day, when I'm sittin on my couch watching the sun goes down, I look around me, and I'm still there. Alone. Is it my fault? What I'm doing wrong? Why am I felling so bad? Why is this cold shiver in my skin seems like eternal? Am I being selfish? Why I'm felling guilty for not being happy?

    I have so many questions and not enough answers, I'm tired, nothing is being enough to take me out of this whole that I seem to be digging with a proud figure in my mind, so I stay put, making tiny movements, putting a smile on my face cause I can't seem to put my real emotions out, they're too big. This clowd won't get out from my head and I can't affect others, I can't be in a situation where I put someone else in this dark side of my mind. I just want things to work out the way they should. this has been a really hard time for me.

All that I want
Is to wake up fine
Tell me that I'm alright
That I ain't gonna die
All that I want
Is a hole in the ground
You can tell me when it's alright
For me to come out

Hard times
Gonna make you wonder why you even try
Hard times
Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry

   As I close my journal with my pen still in my hands and sit straight on the couch, I can't help but notice Taylor staring at me once again, and once again I cross my arms and I find a way to hide my face.

''Are you ok?'' Taylor breaks the silence - I lost the count of how many times he asked that during all of those last months.

''Yes, I'm just tired'' I said as lifted my head to look at him.

''We can talk if you want'' he had his typical worried expression on his face.

''well... I think I just need some sleep, really... uhm, can I go home? 'cause I need some rest and I've been working on this lyric but it needs some adjustments so...'' -as I said that, he stopped looking at me and and started looking at the floor- ''...and I don't have much to do here today anyway''

''If it will make you feel better, just go, it's ok.'' He kept staring the floor, but now with a disappointed look - and again I felt guilty.

''Ok then, see you tomorrow''

    Unable to look at him again, I got up and made my way out of the studio, as I entered my car, I saw JMJ's car parking right beside mine, I avoided to look at him - I just wanted to get out of there - and made my way home.

Taylor's POV

    As I heard Hayley making her way out of the studio, I just couldn't shake the feeling of being unable to just help her. She's been feeling and acting like this for a year know, and it just  keep getting worst. I have anxiety but I have always been able to open up to people, paricularly to her. In 2013 when I ended my 8 month relationship - with Aileen - she was there for me, but I can't seem to help her in the same way.

''We need to do something about her man, she seems lost in time'' I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear JMJ (our producer) entering the room until he started talking, his tall figure was standing in front of me ''So do you also, by the way''

''I'm sorry man, i was just thinking about a song that I'm working on'' I said as I lifted my head up to look at him, he obviously didn't buy my excuse ''I'll talk to her tomorrow again, we'll figure it out''

''Taylor, go home buddy, you both are going trought some shit and need to get back in place... so go home and have some rest, you've been working like crazy'' he said as he sat in the chair in front of the computer and laid his eyes In the equipments ''I'll take care of the rest for today, don't worry''

    After accepting JMJ's offer, I made my way home, but in the middle of the way, I decided to go to Hayley's house, I knew that in that day, something should be solved.

GUYSSSS, it's been so long sice I wrote a fanfiction, man it feels good;) first of all, english is not my first language, and you will see some erros, sorry about that, but i'd love some feedback and please, don't forget to vote ok? TOMORROW i'll be back with chapter 2, and also with a lot of tayley XOXXOXO