Dear Dalia

Chapter 4

        It's a half an hour until her funeral and I'm freaking out. My mom is crying, my dad is trying to comfort her without crying. Sam is on his phone trying not to think about what's ahead. I'm sitting with Olive looking at old pictures of us and Dal. Sam? "Yeah bab- Phoebe?" He stopped himself before my dad killed him. Come here. "Ok." I whispered in his ear that I didn't think I would be able to make it through the funeral. " You'll be okay." he whispered as he was kissing my cheek.

        Five minutes until her funeral and I'm very calm. Which is very weird considering I was freaking out about 25 minutes ago. Ok pheebs time to go in take a deep breath and close your eyes. I reminded myself not to be too mellow or too crazy and walked in fully in black and sat down. I saw aunt Mary, Uncle Reggie, and Katrina! Katrina? That's unusual. I heard the rain start to pour oh great! I said in my head sarcastically.

        Sitting there thinking I'm at your funeral and It got to my pounding brain. Then I thought of everything, You being gone. You being gone forever. I will never see you again. Never ever again. We will never talk again. Hug again. Laugh again. And thats it. Nothing. These thoughts were sweeping in my head going into every nook and cranny bringing up the bad, terrible memories and and the good, great memories. They festered in my mind it was like bats flying in my head! Never stopping. Then I felt my chest. I was taking huge breaths of air. My lungs stretched and my throat burned. The I felt as if the room was getting smaller. It was twisting and turning. My head started aching. My skin started to tingle and burn with the little beads of sweat burning. I was so uncomfortable I needed to move I couldn't hold it any longer. My throat was tugging harder and harder I wanted to scream! As loud as I could until it ripped my lungs! Scream until everything was gone and it was just me in a white room never ending. And with that I did.

        I screamed as loud as I could go until my throat scratched! I stood up flying out of my seat. "No! No, you can't be gone!" I stabbed the ground with my heels running over to Dalia as fast as I could there was her face her perfect stupid face. A rage built up inside of me in my gut I screamed "Nooooo! Wake up! This isn't true! Your alive! I know you are!!!" I grabbed her stone cold shoulders and shook them with every fiber in my body.

        Maybe just maybe she would hear me and wake up!!! Thats when I realized it was real. She still layed lifeless. Stone cold dead in my hands I had ruined her perfect sleep. And the sounds of Sam and my mom, dad, and dalia's parents yelling at me to stop they grabbed my arms and shoulders, but I broke free. That is when the rush of sound poured over me and you were gone. I tore my arms from their grasp gave them a dead set look of apology and leave me be. I turned and walked out of that building ashamed embarrassed confused and deeply mortified of what Ive done. I flung the doors to the outside and a rush of cold swept my shoulders, my neck, my face, then my legs I was cold but the wind felt incredible on my heated skin. I ran my fingers through my hair pulling on parts trying to feel my head still attached to me. Then I stood in the freezing wind hold my arms against me thinking. Thinking of nothing. After the rush of anger I was tired and I could feel it. Tired of not being able to except Dalia gone. Then I heard the swing of doors I turn around it was Sam. I could feel a sad face form on me. He swept me in a hug. His broad arms wrapped around me. I felt so tiny, safe and loved in his arms. Finally tears were pouring into his suit. I backed away, trying to keep his black suit from getting wet from my tears. I was yelling again. Yelling of my frustrations. This and that here and there I was standing in the middle of the parking lot yelling and he stood there listening to every word I said. I dont even think I was making since of what I said. I was screaming and crying and surely looked like crap. He grabbed my shoulders with his giant hands, and gave me a small smirk. He started screaming and cussing. He nodded and I started to do the same. Then I just watched him for a moment. He's never looked so attractive. The rain dripping from his flawless face, his veins in his neck from his screams. He noticed and scooped me up into his arms, I let out a small shriek. We made eye contact and never lost it until my lips locked with his. My eyes closed and my heart-rate slowed. It was pure lust. My body tingled, it was fireworks. I've never felt so good yet never felt so bad. As the kiss ended I didn't notice my surroundings, the rain, that somehow made me look like crap, but made Sam look like a God. The dozen of people watching me have my first kiss. I didn't care anymore.

2/17/14

Dear Dalia,

I barely made it through the funeral. I'm sorry I just wanted you to come back, but that's not going to happen. Sam found out about the note writing that has going on, and he told me I should stop. If I keep writing you letters I won't let go of the fact that you're gone. I hope you can forgive me for not writing you anymore. Signing off of the last time.

I will love you forever and always,

Phoebe Stella Keaton