To All The Boys I've Loved Before

BONUS: 1.7 Roman Burges

ROMAN BURGES

Ever since Ava saw Mean Girls in the movie theater with her best friend, Kaila Matthews, the two girls made a pact to never turn their backs on another and the concept of Girl Code. They formed their own journal where they spilled their own secrets they couldn't voice out loud and they took an oath to never go out with any of the boys either girl's dated and hooked up with.

Ava took their oath to the grave, constantly batting an eye the opposite way when a boy she found interest in found interest in her blonde best friend; yet unfortunately for Ava, Kaila failed to hold the bargain up on her end.

Throughout high school Ava went on dates, even kissed a few boys here and there, ones she thought she had genuine feelings for and vice versa – but once they realized the brunette wouldn't put out and give them more than a few kisses and make out sessions behind the lockers did they leave her high and dry for the blonde bombshell.

At first, Ava felt like someone had taken a bag of bricks and slammed them on her heart when her best friend would entertain the boys who grew bored of her; but at the end of the day, Kaila was her best friend and their friendship meant more than a silly boy who only thought with his head in between his denim jeans.

Eventually she grew used to the fact boys preferred her best friend over her, taking the back seat when it came to Kaila Matthews. Ava grew to not care when Kaila found interest in boys she liked and hooked up with – with the exception of Roman Burges.

Ava was fresh out of her first serious relationship with Talon when Roman and Ava crossed paths. She was attending a My Chemical Romance concert with her friend Paxton and her older brother and his best friend – the best friend being Roman himself. The two constantly exchanged glances in the review mirror and brushed fingers as they stood beside the other during the concert.

Ava screamed each lyric at the top of her lungs with tears in her eyes as each beat hit emotions in her soul, and Roman stared at her in awe. He didn't care that his favorite singer was before him upon the stage raging his heart out, for the fact he was breathless upon the girl before him.

He had seen something in her that he couldn't find in himself: light.

When the concert ended they had went to Pinks and while Paxton and her brother were getting refills of their drinks, Roman had handed Ava a crinkled napkin. Her brows had furrowed together while her eyes crossed in confusion, and all he did was shrug and mumble, "read it later." Ava had nodded and shoved the napkin in the front pocket of her shorts, forgetting about the note until she was home an hour and a half later.

'I think you're beautiful' was coated upon the top of the brown napkin, and underneath written in small chicken scratch writing were ten digits. She couldn't help but not bite back a smile and without hesitation she had sent him a message: 'thank you'.

Their fate was sealed right then and there.

The pair never took their relationship further than dating on and off for two years and three months. Roman was first to end their relationship, following Ava's intimacy struggle. Her and Roman's relationship was so fresh to her, emotionally and physically, she didn't know how to act. She never had fully experienced sexual intimacy – only being in a serious relationship – and she didn't want to be the girl to have sex just to have sex. She wanted it to mean something and be special, and not once did she find herself in a romantic setting with Roman.

Thus, after Ava unwillingly willing to give in to Roman's sexual demands he had left her, only to come back four months later begging for another chance – in which, she accepted with open arms. It was a constant battle between the two, trust and jealousy issues, sexual intimacy issues: breaking up and making up.

It wasn't until their third year around of one and off again dating, only this time Ava was the one playing cards. She grew to play the field, not wanting a title on any specified relationship, keeping her options open in case someone better came around than good ol' Roman. Still, it didn't stop her heart from aching when she finally decided to call it quits.

She strolled into Romans apartment during the early hour on a Sunday morning. The night prior, Roman went out for his twenty-six birthday, celebrating with his boys – leaving out the detail that Kaila and her girls tagged along as well. He had been smart about his actions, absentmindedly failing to post on social media while the girls in the group blocked Ava from their platforms. It was as if neither one of them were out that night for his birthday getting plastered until they woke in another bed.

Ava had to pass on Romans celebration. Her mother had recently been admitted to the hospital for surgery so Ava's priority was tending to her family, rather than getting drunk off her feet to where she would wake up nude beside her Roman, wondering whether or not they used protection or if they did anything at all. She had felt bad for missing out on his party but still made it a priority to make it up to him.

With a bundle of balloons in her hand and a chocolate cake with candles in the other, Ava decorated his small living room. While the rainbow colored balloons filed to the ceiling, Ava pulled her lighter out of her pocket and lit the candles on the cake, grinning as she covered the flame with her hand. Softly tip toeing from the living down the hallway, Ava lightly shoved his bedroom door open.

"Romaaan," she sang quietly, her voice loud enough to wake him but not enough to make his head pound. He was a heavy drinker and Ava knew without a doubt he would be hungover. His frame moved under his throw of blankets, a small groan echoing as he buried himself deeper.

Ava frowned as his arms lifted and draped across a long bundle blanket, pulling the mess tightly to his side. He muttered a "shut up" before rubbing his draped arm up and down, massing lightly on the cotton.

"Roman," her voice heightened. His body froze and although he was on his stomach, head down into the pillows, Ava could see the tension within his back muscles. Her heart began to race, the sound of her blood flow filling her ears.

With the press of his open palms on the mattress, Roman lightly pushed himself upward slightly, shifting the blankets covering his body. His eyes quickly glanced from Ava to the now exposed bundle beside him, "fuck," he muttered letting his head drop down.

Ava's eyes began to blur as water glazed her vision. Her eyes trailed to the mess of blonde sprawled across the pillow beside him. He swung his legs over the edge of the mattress, his sheets pooling around his waist, covering his nude groin.

"You're shitting me right," she forced herself to speak; letting out slow breathes as her voice broke over each word. Her fingers dug into the side of the cake, her knuckles fading from her tan skin to a pale white.

Roman reached down for his boxers and quickly slid both legs in each hole, pulling them up to his waist as made his way to Ava. Her eyes were locked on the girl in his bed, frozen as Roman took the cake from her grasp then placed his hands on her shoulder.

"It was an accident, Ava," he rushed, moving his head in front of her face to block her vision from his mattress, "I promise."

Ava's eyes tore from her best friend to Roman. Shaking her head, her eyes narrowed into slits, "happy fucking birthday." She wanted to reach up and slap Roman across his reddened cheeks, but knew better. If she had done what her mind was prying her to do, she too would have gotten a smack across hers; so going with the latter, Ava shoved his hands off her shoulders and stalked out the door.

She couldn't help but let the tears fall from her eyes as she walked back to her car, because not once had Roman called after her nor did he give her one glance as she walked out the door.

Roman had tried to text her the same night, continuously apologizing over and over, beginning for another chance even though he already knew Ava's head was set and stone. The answer was no. Ava tried reaching out to Kaila, but even her best friend since middle school acted as if she had no idea what occurred.

It was then Ava Grace realized, not all friendships were worth mending and not everyone was meant to be in her life. No matter how long a person stood by her side or the part they played in her life, Ava deserved better than to have someone treat her poorly in a negative way. Even though she loved and desperately wanted no one to part, she had to cut ties with not only Kaila, but Roman as well.