The War of Ares (manxman) (boxyboy)

Chapter Ten - I wanted to punch him in the mouth

Aristides

I lay on my bed while I was still covered in his blood and thought;

I killed him.

I really killed him.

Did I really just killed him?

Fuck. I was screwed. It surprised me how bothered by his death I was. My heart was reacting--but I couldn’t stop to think about it for very long. I had to get out to my men and teach them how to kill the enemy and win the battle. My reputation and dreams depended on it. Everything was depending on me now and I wasn’t about to let someone’s death, stop me from getting what I wanted--what I needed. And what I needed was to win, to take back my country and rule it back to a whole country again.

While I was busy trying to sort my head out, I managed to get a couple of things done. I changed out of my robes and bathed. The blood in the water was not my own. It was his. It felt strange washing his blood off me. Like it was a permanent way of getting rid of him, taking the bad effect he had on me with it.

I looked up when I felt someone enter. One of the female slaves was standing with a fresh set of robes for me. She was watching me. Her eyes gazing longingly at my wet body. She didn’t even stop then. She hadn’t noticed that I’d seen her. And when I got out of the tub, she didn’t move. It was like she was transfixed on my body. Like I was something--no someone special.

“Is something wrong?” I asked her with a smirk.

She look startled and blinked twice. Her eyes focused on my face and gave her head a brisk jerk.

“Hand me the robes,” I commanded.

She bowed before holding them out to me. I took them and dismissed her with a jerk of my head. Frowning, she scurried out of the room. The door closed with a bang and I was alone. Again. This was starting to be a common thing. Me alone.

I hated it.

But not because I desired someone else’s company. No. Because I thought of him when I was alone. He consumed my every thought until I was close to insanity.

And I hated it.

 I hated having him in my head. I imagine it would be like taking him as a lover, except you can ignore a lover. You can’t ignore your own head. Unfortunately.

I made it outside once my head cleared. The men were waiting for me. Some looked tired while others looked like they wanted to run. I sighed. This wasn’t going to work if they weren’t putting their all into it.

A few of them saw me as I approached and they looked up, backs straight, eyes forward. One of the men, the younger one I had singled out before, was looking down at the ground. I stood in front of him and waited. He didn’t move, didn’t breathe. If he hadn’t been standing, I would have thought he was dead. A couple of them men looked at us and worry marred their features. They must have thought I would erupt at any moment. And, truthfully, I normally would have. But I was surprisingly calm now. I felt a bit different than I had… well, ever. I wasn’t sure why. I wasn’t going to complain, though. It just meant I was more focused--more ready for preparing these men.

“I want everyone to look at me. NOW!” I shouted and the men scrambled to look up. Even the man in front of me.

“We don’t have very much time left and I want to be sure we can win this battle.” I started circling around them. The anxiety from them hit me as I passed. “You men have been chosen to fight for our country, our beautiful Ares. And I don’t think you have been taking this as seriously as you should.”