The War of Ares (manxman) (boxyboy)

Chapter Thirteen - Just like you love the prince?

Koa

I was struggling with my decision, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to make it any easier. The hours ticked by and I was still pondering the whole thing, still wondering if there was another way to do this. And then I saw him, sitting in a tree, looking out at the world with a look of pure concentration on his face. The moonlight shone down on him and he appeared luminous, beautiful even. I wanted him so badly and that wasn’t even the worst part. I was in love with him. I had always know, deep down, but I hadn’t wanted it to be true. I was too focused on everything I thought I knew, but didn’t really know, that I didn’t see how things really were.

The hardest part was keeping it, among other things, from him. He wasn’t the type of man who appreciated much, but I knew he had a thing for honesty. I think most people who knew him or spent much time around him knew that. It wasn’t exactly a well-kept secret. But it was difficult for me to tell him, which was what sparked my growing need to leave all of this behind. It was slowly crushing me, hiding the truth from him—in effect lying to him. I hated myself for doing it, but some of those secrets were not my own to tell, and even if I were to tell him, he wouldn’t have believed me. I was, after all, less than him, in his mind.

After standing there and just staring for a time, I decided to climb up and see what would happen. Hopefully we would be able to talk and maybe it would help, but even if we didn’t, it might not hurt to see how I would feel after spending some time with him. He didn’t appear to hear me, apparently still deep in thought. And for that, I was more than grateful. I would have hated it if he had heard me before I had the chance to get up to him. He would have told me to leave him alone, I know he would have.

When he finally did notice me, his eyes filled with disgust. I should have climbed back down and left him there. But I couldn’t. For some reason, whatever that reason was, I wasn’t able to leave him then. Maybe it was my curiosity to know who sparked the disgust, because I knew it wasn’t me, but it was definitely a pull that made me stay. I don’t know which of us spoke first, but it soon turned heated and I cursed myself for not leaving things alone.

Finally, after we had said some regrettable things--on my side anyway--and he had gotten even more pissed, I told him I was leaving and that he should take up his last chance at training with me, if he wanted to. I wasn’t expecting his reaction to it at all.

 His shock was neither funny nor comforting like it should have been. To others, it may have been the most hilarious thing ever. But it hurt my heart to see him looking so lost. It was like I had kicked his puppy and left him to die in his arms.

I tried to leave him alone while I still had the chance, while he was still frozen in place and couldn’t speak. And just as I shoved myself to the edge of the tree, he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him. The expression on his face was one of sheer anger. Anger at what, I didn’t know. But there was no way it could have been something else. He was shaking, literally, and his face was turning bright red.

His eyes narrowed and he growled low in his throat. The sound sent a shiver down my spine and confusion through my head. He was one of the hardest people to understand, yet I was starting to understand him perfectly. Actually, I thought, he was quite a simple man when you thought about it.

He thrived on the fear of others.

He didn’t appreciate being lied to.

He needed to feel in control.

And he didn’t desire other people’s company.

That, in my mind, was the biggest one out of them all. He made it known when he didn’t want you around, and he wasn’t afraid to tell you to your face. Before him, I didn’t really understand people like that. I always wondered how they coped with being alone so much. But with Ari, it made perfect sense to me. I’d heard a couple of stories before, and it fitted the man in front of me so well. There was something inside of him, something that broke a long time ago, and he was damaged. Maybe it was something to do with his father and grandfather, something he never spoke about. But someone had made him like this. I recognized the signs. The only difference between us, was that I had a mother to show me the way, a woman who had been strong enough to stand up for what she believed it. He’d never had that. Not in the same way, anyway.