Whys (A Collection)

Stars

I remember when I first loved. It was in high school, and although I knew I was too young to know love, it felt real.

When you look at the stars, what do you think of? I think of the universe, obviously. Sometimes I just stare at the stars and wonder what it's like to be a star. Stargazing is my favorite hobby.

I met someone who liked the cosmos and was interested as I was with the stars. I liked the clouds, he did, too. I thought it was a real thing.

It it true that time doesn't always prove anything.

1 year later, we began our romantic relationship. We dated. We cared for each other, even bought each other gifts and sometimes I buy him silly stuffs that I knew weren't of any use. I just liked buying him stuff.

Love is a mystery. You never know when it's true, you just have to feel it. Feelings can be very deceiving. You can't be sure whether what you are feeling is just a temporary feeling. Just like when people get high, you know it has an end but you don't care anyway. You just go and do your thing. And when it ends, it's so sudden that you feel low again.

After 3 years of love, something happened that I never thought would even be possible. "I'm not in love with you anymore." Those were his words. Funny how people think love is real.

Love is nothing. It is just something that keeps us from settling with one person. We shouldn't feel this pain.

I promised myself never to love again. But when I look at the stars, I remember how I fell in love with him. He would send me good mornings and I love you. Then he would call me at night and we would talk till midnight, even on school days. And on saturdays he would call me as soon as he wakes up, we would talk about movies and animes. And how stupid we were back in middle school. Also about that uncool kid who wore his pants weirdly.

My favorite part was when he cried because I got mad at him. It was a school night and I saw him talking to his ex girlfriend. I knew nothing was going on but I also knew that his ex still liked him and his mother liked his ex. I was never an option for him when it comes to his parents. I tried to bottle up my anger because I knew there was nothing to worry about. But I still snapped. I guess it was my fault that he gave up on me, my attitude.

I loved that day when he first played for me. He was an excellent pianist, a plus for him. I insisted that he play because he was too shy to showcase his talent. The moment he laid his hands on the keys, it was like a swan swimming on a pond. I don't know if my analogy is right but it felt like my soul was dancing with the music. You know that feeling when you're having a bad, hot day and then a cool breeze comes strong and you just close your eyes to enjoy the feeling? It felt like that.

But even so, he still didn't love me as I did love him. It hurts to know that once you give all your love, you can't take it back. I can never take back my heart. It always belonged to him, although scientifically it wouldn't be possible.

If only I can get him back, I would give him the stars. I'd even give him the sun.

Yet here I am doing nothing. Waiting for him to come back, because deep inside I know he still belonged to me. I know his heart was still mine. But then again, we can never trust our feelings. They can be deceiving.