~first love~ |yoonmin|

03.

Warning: self harm and abuse (sorry)

Yoongi's POV

After his small encounter with the orange haired stranger, Yoongi reached his dorm room, presently occupied by Namjoon and his boyfriend Soekjin. Soekjin also studied in their college, currently in the third and final year of biology and psychology double major course. Yoongi and Jin weren't even acquaintances, even though the older tried relentlessly to try and befriend the younger. Jin, by nature was always extroverted and friendly, but hadn't yet managed to scale the Rapunzel-sized towers of Min Yoongi. The pair of them made a nice couple in Yoongi's opinion though, cutely snuggled close together on Namjoon's small bed, hugging each other like a life source. He entered and looked at them, secretly, and when he did he was hit by a wave of an unidentifiable emotion. He ignored and and went to his room in the dorm. They were lucky enough to have room separated into two. They each had their respective spaces and Yoongi especially was thankful for that. Even though the two spaces weren't very big, he was provided with the much needed privacy, he was provided with a space to let his thoughts consume him. He was thankful for that, thankful that no one could see him, the true him, the him that was suffering. He thought it futile to drag others into his pain. He deserved it, he was used to it.

He fell onto his bed and allowed himself to drown in himself.

Yoongi let the image of Namjoon and Jin float around in his mind. He looked at them and he saw all that he couldn't have. He saw love and reciprocation. He saw warmth and belonging. He saw need and it killed him. He craved the love. The only love he ever remembers was from his mother. She truly loved him, but apparently all good things come to an end for Yoongi. He loved his mother and she was taken away from him. Some evil force looking to mess with him took away one of the only sources of happiness in his life. She was taken from him when he was just a senior and that is when the downward spiral began.

He closed his eyes and let the memories absorb him. The smell of her hair, always like freshly picked hibiscus and honey. The way she held the back of his head when she hugged him, the felling of home and comfort that it gave him. He missed that so much, the feeling of home and comfort. He breathed in the smell of the french toast she used to so regularly make him, sweet with sugar and salty with oregano, perfectly encompassing the duality of Yoongi's personality that she so loved.  He remembered the day the police officers came to his house, his father was out working and Yoongi had just got back home from school. He remembered the day he had until then and how he was excited to tell his mother all about it, a proud mothers boy. The look on the officers face told him all he needed to know. He remembered not feeling anything, the state of numbness that consumed him even till today. It all got bad after that, his father started drinking and took out his anger on Yoongi. His father, unfortunately was an angry drunk. He unleashed all the pent up guilt and regret that he had for him wife as rage on his only son.

~FLASHBACK~

As Yoongi opened the front door of his house, he was hit with the recently familiar stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke. Cringing, he tried to make his way to his room as quickly and quietly as humanly possible. He creeped up the stairs ignoring his hungry stomach and only wanting to reach his refuge, where he could lock himself from his monster like father. With every step he took he felt himself relax a little bit, but with the sudden and strong tug on his collar, he realised that he wouldn't be safe. Not today. It had been six months since his mother was in the fatal accident and Yoongi's father had caught him at least eleven times since then, the beatings and verbal abuse getting more and more frequent. Already Yoongi felt a perpetual numbness but with his only remaining parent treating him like this, the suffering Yoongi felt increased tenfold.

"WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?" Yoongi's father shouted, dragging his son down the stairs as forcefully as his drunken body could handle it. Yoongi had found that to be quiet during these sessions was the most safe as he was afraid that he would say something wrong. Yoongi wasn't weak but compared to his father coupled with the effects of alcohol, self defence wouldn't help Yoongi. He just submitted himself to the inevitable and accepted the abuse.

"You're nothing but a fat whore that cant do anything properly!"

"Do you really think your mother even loved you, well then you're really a fool. I was the one who convinced her not to put you up for adoption. But look how well THAT turned out. You're nothing but a stupid excuse for a human being. You do nothing but make the world around you miserable and hopeless."

A sharp pain met Yoongi just under his left eye and another on his stomach. He was positioned on the floor curling up into a fetal position to avoid as much contact as possible, but his father still managed to kick him and punch him enough that he was bruised everywhere.

"I WISH SHE WAS STILL HERE INSTEAD OF YOU." He exclaimed, delivering one last blow before taking his bottle of whiskey and returning to his room. Yoongi didn't know if the last sentence was the alcohol or actually his father, but he knew one thing.

He sometimes wished the same thing.

~END OF FLASHBACK~

Before he realised, Yoongi felt hot tears streaming down his face. He didn't want to believe what his father told him to be true but when someone who is 'supposed' to be the one protecting you and the one who loves you unconditionally tells you things, you start to believe them.

He got off his bed and rushed to the bathroom, locked the door and dug furiously for his favourite belonging, his trusted blade. Whenever Yoongi felt a little less human, he would write another story on his skin. Slashing rapidly on his pale, milky skin, over pre-existing wounds, stories from another day, he started to feel more. The lines were characters with stories of their own.

After he decided that todays story was long enough, he pulled his long sleeve down on the new bandages and exited after cleaning up the fallen crimson liquid. He had no desire to eat or even change out of his clothes, he simply went back into his room and fell back on his bed.

Before he slept, though, he quickly checked his phone to see if he had any notifications. 'Highly unlikely' he thought to himself. But to his surprise he had two unread messages, one unknown and the other from his father.

_UNKNOWN_:

hey, this may seem weird, but you bumped into me today and you dropped your wallet. i tried returning it then, but you had already disappeared. please tell me when it is possible to meet and return it back to you. if it helps in any way i go to the liberal arts college of seoul. i got your number from a card in your wallet. hope to return it to you soon

_FATHER_:

hello yoongi. i know it has been a long time and i haven't tried to contact you but i have changed and even found myself a new girlfriend whom i would like to introduce you to. pls come home for dinner on saturday and you can see for yourself how i have changed. i hope you come so that i can apologise in person for my behaviour in the past.

💙
Chapter 3
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