In the back row of the classroom, drawing with small hand movement. No one will know the pain she goes through. A mask, a smile is. Pretending the pain isn't barely skin deep. A dark despair, lacking dreams to give any spark of joy. A tired awakening full of dread for the coming day. Onto the bus she goes, to speak with people whose priorities matter more than hers. Into the physical being of hell (SCHOOL). Homework? They ask, no, she replies. Phone call home to mother who will tell older sister and father. Father will not care at the time being for his work concerns him far more than his family, or anything else, for that matter. Later that night however, she will get a lecture from her father who has been scolded by mother. Sit, draw, do whatever must be done to keep the demons at bay. Teachers yell her name and she startles out of her stupor, yes? She asks timidly. What is the answer?! I do not know, always the same answer. You MUST study more and do your homework!! In other words, you are not good enough, not intelligent enough. This she can shrug off, disappointment is not new to her. The day trudges on, minute by minute. Finally, the torture is over! Back to the bus, share a few smiles, a few laughs with a "friend". But of course she has no real friends that give two fucks about her. Home. An apple to hold off until the next day.MUST walk the dog. He has no soul unlike her. He cannot feel the emotional pain, which weighs heavier than the physical pain. She envys her dog who has not a care in the world. Home again. Mother comes home with the little demons, her nieces. Yelling. Sent to her room, deprived of another entertainment method. Pretty soon they'll have to take away the wall. Nothing to do but stare at the wall, and of course draw. Hours crawl by. Sister comes and lectures with disappointment laced in her voice. She nods occasionally and giving small hums of confirmation, agree with sister and she'll leave sooner. It doesn't always work. MUST feed the dog. To sleep she goes, an empty black void. A recurring nightmare she muses, one that follows her into her waking hours as well.
Repeat...
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Why The Fuck Not?
FanfictionNo one could ever understand the pain of her life. The loneliness of her existence. No one is able to even comprehend how big of a gap is between her and everyone else, even other depressed teens like her...
