We need a new villain! (Marvel Loki fanfiction)

Chapter One

"Ah yes, welcome everyone. Please take your seats and make yourselves comfortable, most of you probably won't be here very long by the looks of you."

A few grumbles rose around the stuffy room, and more than a couple stony glares were thrown at the speaker's direction.

"If you didn't already know, my name is-" The speaker paused and put his hand to his chin in contemplation. A wolfish grin suddenly spread across his face and he shrugged dramatically, "Who am I kidding? Everyone knows who I am!"

A hand rose hesitantly in the group, as if being scared it may be struck down by lightning (which is a completely legitimate fear at this moment).

"Uhm, who exactly are you? If you don't mind me asking."

The speaker's shocking blue eyes dimmed disappointingly, "Is this kid for real?" He narrowed his eyes and snickered to the group, "Mortals these days just don't appreciate my work." He pointed out a person in the crowd, "You! When you think of pure and uncontaminated evil, who do you think of?"

"My mom!"

Disappointment reappeared in the speaker's blue eyes.

"No Wi-Fi!"

"The crazy cat lady I live next to that stole my Netflix password!"

"SILENCE!" A voice boomed over the rest, putting all attention back on the speaker. He sighed deeply, putting his palm to his face and shaking his head. "Listen, I called this meeting because we're in big trouble. By 'we', I mean us villains. It's a crisis right now, if you haven't noticed. Villains used to strike fear in the hearts of children and adults alike! Now, well, now we're the butt of every joke."

A snicker rose in the crowd.

"Did he just say 'butt'?"

"Yeah, bahaha, sure sounded like it!"

"Does Thor even know about this? Would he mind if I filmed this and put it up on YouTube?"

"ENOUGH." The voice boomed yet again, this time a flush of red on the speaker's face. "I am Loki of Asgard, and I will not put up with this lunacy."

"Ohh, that's his name! I knew I recognized him from somewhere!"

"I will make this extremely clear, we need new villains fast. In fact, my hardworking team and I-" he gestured to an empty corner proudly, "Are hiring right now, no questions asked if you show promise."

Another confused hand went up in the crowd.

"But.. but what about uh, Ultron and Zemo and those other guys? They were pretty great!"

Loki sighed, a trademarked and frequent expression of his, and frowned.

"First of all, I cannot be scared of a villain whose name rhymes with an animated clownfish. Second of all, the 'other guys' were puny. I am the only legitimate Marvel villain and although it would be nice to stay that way, I want to give others a.. chance." He almost choked the last word out, but quickly recovered, "I would have even won in my little tussle with the Avengers had it not been for the 'heroes always have to win!!!' cliche," he grimaced dramatically before regaining his regal composure, "Now! Let's begin the auditions!"