Begin a Lie

The end

'Dear Taehyung,
A lot has changed in this past year.
I never thought that events would take such a tragic turn.
I met a guy here. He looked regal, when I first met him. That was the only word that popped into my head. I don't know why I thought that, though.
I waited even, in the cold storm, to meet him, but I couldn't get a word out to talk to him.
We became friends, but in my heart, he was still my first love.
I absolutely love him, Tae. The problem is, I still do.
The flowers were my breaking point.
I thought....maybe just one more bouquet of fun, and he'll finally understand that I love him.
I tried to hide it, but it was painful. I loved him, Tae, too much.
We eventually stopped talking...maybe I was too awkward around him?
Anyway, I took that last bouquet of lilies, I knew it was final, I had enough of teasing, and took them to his house to confess my love for him. I knew he was in love with me, I was sure of it, the way he blushed around me...
It was all going to work out well.
But on making it there, I found out from his mother that he had moved on.
I asked whether he shifted schools, but she said that...she said that he had passed away a week before.
And in that moment, I felt like a stranded goldfish without its other half, moments from losing everything.
But when I heard that my love had died in that car crash, I already lost everything. My heart, my soul, my peace. It's seconds away from shrivelling and falling off, my heart, because there's no blood, no veins, nothing inside me without him...I'm all empty. God, I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but....
I should have told him earlier that I love him. My mistake. My mistake for making him wait longer than he deserved. What he deserved was my yes. What he deserved was me being honest to him.
I love him so much, Tae, I love him, I love him, I love him so much. But if I'm writing this, then it's too late.
I just buried those lilies near his grave.
Because I know how much he loves those lilies. He kept sending me them, right? Screw me for teasing him.
I never got a chance to say I love him.
I just kneeled at his grave and whispered it.
I felt that would add a sense of completeness to me.
But nothing's been added to me.
My everything has been taken away.
I'm sorry, I can't talk about this anymore.
Anyway, with love,
Jeon Jungkook.
But to be fairly honest, I think I can only say With love for my Jiminie.