All my life with Thranduil. (Thranduil fan fiction) rated M for mature.

Our journey

THRANDUIL'S P.O.V

We left for home but I couldn't help but worry for her. She was quiet and constantly zoning out but insisted we continue on. I was plagued with what held her attention and wondered if I had done something wrong. I thought of speaking but didn't. I thought of stopping but she wouldn't. She seemed like there was something far more important on her mind then her own well being and this worried me a great deal. Was it something I said? Was it something I done? Did she maybe believe her dreams?Only time could answer these questions that now plagued me. 

*thunder rumbled heavily as the skies started to grown darker and the wind began to whip around*

Upon gazing over at Ercassiel I noticed she was pale and her grip tightened on her reigns as if she had never ridden a horse and was terrified of the beast itself. I reached for her reigns and gently grabbed them trying my hardest not to startle her because I didn't want to risk spooking the horse. We pushed through the wind to the edges of the tree line and I found the hardiest looking tree with a thick canopy to buy me more time in setting up a camp to ride out the storm in. I started raising the tent when I noticed Ercassiel had dismounted her horse and tied both of our horses off to a near by log and pulled off their tack. I had hoped maybe what ever laid heavily on her mind had dissipated, but deep down I feared I knew what was bothering her I just could not bring myself to bring up the topic as we both still hurt gravely from the loss of the twins, but she took the pain far worse then I and it was starting to show. Even her dreams were plagued with the repeat memories and pain. It was like an unending nightmare played on repeat. She couldn't even block me from reading her mind anymore because her mind kept wandering and she couldn't focus. 

Upon finishing the tent I turned around to find her staring at a small patch of flowers that looked just like the ones we planted in memory of the twins in the royal garden. She kneeled down and sat in front of them and slowly reached out with her hand and touched one and it suddenly wilted and died. She quickly pulled her hand away and screamed out in frustration before pounding the side of her fist in the middle of the flowers causing the patch to ignite in a purple and silver flame the was quickly dowsed by the rain. My heart ached seeing her in so much pain and it had grown so much that it didn't seem even my touch soothed her. 

I walked over to her and gently touched her shoulder and she looked up at me before slowly rising and disappearing inside the tent. I stared down at the scorched flowers and sighed feeling there was nothing I could do to soothe her pain because all my attempts only seemed to hurt or push her further away. I am not good in these situations... I've never been a good emotional support she has always been that pillar she has always soothed Legolas, I never really regained my emotional support after the battle because I became bitter and cold and even them she pulled me from my hell.

I...I have to try and be that emotional support that she needs; I need to get her through this. She is my wisteria, my other half and my queen... I must take care of her the way she has always taken care of everyone... but how when she wont even let me get close to her anymore...with a heavy sigh I make my way through the dripping rain that is starting to fall through the thick canopy to the tent just and enter just as the pounding rain rushes past the thick canopy top to the ground. 

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Ercassiels P.O.V

Thranduil entered the tent and looked at me but I paid no attention to him. I mostly blamed Thranduil for the loss of the children because he didn't read the letter so he had no clue to be more protective of me and protect me better from whatever Oropher was. I opened my palm and my purple orb formed and 2 little black orbs formed beneath mine before seeming to shatter and dissipate. I closed my hand before laying down on the pile of pillows I had thrown in the far corner of the tent away from the bed Thranduil had made. I would not sleep with the person who couldn't protect me because he clearly chose his father over me. My head began to throb so I tried my hardest to ignore it and go to sleep. 

Echoing laughter so familiar rang through my dream and when I searched it out I found a door that had no shape, no design,but yet was still a door and it seemed to approach me rather then me approach it. I reached for it and a handle formed as I grabbed the handle the door formed a shape and the design was so familiar but I took no time opening the door as the voice on the other side was almost identifiable but it sounded almost ominous. The light cleared up and before me stood me, but it wasn't me... Suddenly I stood where the other me was and when I looked out I was atop a throne not Thranduils, but one I had seen before. I looked in my glass and seen my eyes were different the mimicked those of the great serpents of the north. I gazed upon the Throne again and it was decorated in large stone dragons and other winged creatures. I laughed loudly and approached the window looking out over the land where I could see Mirkwood and even part of the castle. I felt prisoner in my own body as I heard myself speak. 

"My oldest friend, my only lover, the man who ruined my life are ready to watch your precious kingdom burn with everyone you dearly love trapped in the flames?" Again another maniacal laugh rang from my black lips as I turned and lifted Thranduils bruised and busted face by his hair forcing him to watch as large silver flames in gulfed the whole forest and quickly released death upon the now almost healed forest. I screamed internally trying to make it stop, but I was prisoner to my own dream. 

"Look Thranduil! Look at your precious baby taken from you like mine were!! Now we both have nothing, but truly it is you who has nothing now. I at least have my powers and the admiration and control of every winged creature big and small. You now rule nothing but your lonely pathetic heart." 

*Thranduils voice boomed* You weren't the only one who lost the kids. I broke so deeply when I realized I could of protected you better. I have blamed myself everyday for the past 100 years. I have searched high and low for you and when I notice the birds starting to act strangely I knew where I could find you. I failed you, I failed Legolas, I failed everyone even myself... you might as well kill me now because I know no matter how much I tried to be there for you to cope you will always shut me out and its what drove you to have such a dark heart and cultivate your dark magic. You never gave a man who was just learning how to be a support beam again a fighting chance. Just kill me!!! You aren't the woman I loved you are a monster. He looked me in the eyes and straight into my soul. I know the woman I loved is in there, but you locked her away and you allowed your hatred for one accident on horrible mistake to rule your life and turn you into a woman hated, hunted and feared by all. 

I cried as I watched my hand wipe away the magic hiding his scar and look directly in his face before the words began to flow from my mouth like venom. "I would rather be feared then hurt by love again." With these final words I clenched my fist and could hear every bone in Thranduils body break as he cried out in pain and gasped for breath as his broken ribs punctured his lungs before the lack of oxygen finally claimed him. 

I wept and screamed and tried breaking out of my own body to save him but I heard my voice speaking to me. "He is gone you pathetic love... You killed the only person who tried the hardest to be there for you through your pain.. maybe had you given him a chance things may of turned out differently...foolish little lover...you did this. You killed him look. *I looked up finally having control of my body and seen my fist clenched and began to weep* I heard Thranduil weakly whisper, "Cass I forgive you and I have always loved you...."

*Everything went moonless black and I sat alone in the darkness and cried*

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~~Authors Note~~

Hey guys! I am sorry if this is a short chapter, but I promise there is more to come. I am finally past that nasty writers block and formulating new ideals. 

thank you all so, so much for reading my story and I look forward to the new chapters I can provide yall with.