As Long As We're Together

11: Monday Night

I crawled into Nathan's warm bed, every single inch of me was in pain. Nathan laid next to me, slowly scooting closer and closer. Than embraced me from behind with his muscular tan arms.

I flinched in pain as he did so, "Sorry." He said in remorse pulling away.

"No it's okay." I replied reassuringly grabbing is arm and putting it back around me, enduring the pain of my bruised body.

We lay together in silence, Nathan's breath steadied and I could tell he was starting to doze off.

There was nothing left but my thoughts and Nathan's warm heart beat against my back. If it wasn't for him I would probably be hanging by my neck right now, dead. My thoughts consumed me and my dads words replayed over and over again. I clenched my eyes shut and scooted even closer towards Nathan until there was no space between us.

I was afraid my dad might tell Nathans parents about what happened. Maybe they would believe what my dad said. I mean I almost believed what he said. But, than again, my parents didn't even know Nathan's parents. I kept, well tried to keep, my social life a secret from my family. I never told them anything and they never really bothered trying to know. They were only interested in my life when my sister Emily told them about anything I did, then it would turn into a huge ordeal.

I loved Nathan, not in a sexual way. But, the more my dad said it in my head the more I questioned it. I wanted to be close to Nathan, I wanted to hug him and sleep by him. But I wouldn't want to have sex with him. I mean, that's what Jess is for. Am I just scared that I won't be accepted socially? Or maybe Nathan doesn't like me like that.

We have a quite a bit different relationship than most guys do, me and Nathan. But, I don't think that makes me gay, does it?

I didn't understand these feelings I have.

I kept asking myself these questions until I could barely even remember my own name. My head throbbed and my eyes were starting to swell closed, I decided to try to shut my brain off and sleep. The voices continued to pound in my head, but I tried my best to ignore them and finally doze off.

I woke up to Nathan getting out of bed and quietly walking into the bathroom, it was still dark out. The clock on his night stand read 3:41 A.M.

I rolled to my back and stared at the ceiling until I heard Nathan's footsteps coming from around the corner. He sleepily shuffled towards the bed until he saw me staring up at him.

"Did I wake you?" Nathan said in a raspy voice staring back at me.

"I was barely even asleep, I don't know if I can sleep. My body is in too much pain."

"You should have told me before, I could have gotten you some pain killers."

"It's okay, the pain snaps be back into reality."

Nathan seemed to understand he crawled back into bed and sat beside my limp body, staring down at me he gently reached out touching my cheek with his shaky hand. "I wish I could have prevented this, why did he even hit you?" Nathan asked pulling his hand away, "You only told me your sister turned them against you somehow."

I didn't want to tell him the real reason but I didn't want to lie. I didn't know what to do... I stared back at him with my empty eyes. "I don't really want to talk about, I'm sorry man."

"It's all good, I understand." Nathan said laying back, "You going to school tomorrow?"

"Yeah, Jess is going to freak when she sees my face." I laughed, "I hope she doesn't think I cheated on her again with Kelsey and Jamal beat me up like last time."

"Nah, she knows you ain't that dumb." Nathan joked nudging me in the ribs.

"Ah shit man!" I flinched laughing and grabbed where he nudged me on my bruised ribs.

"Oh my go-" Nathan cried, "I am so sorry! I didn't mean to."

I just laughed nudging him back harder, he just yelped, rolled over to the side of the bed and grabbed a pack of cigarettes on his night stand.

"Gimme one." I said opening my mouth.

Nathan placed one gently between my lips than lit it, "Is your tongue still sore from where Jess bit you?" asked Nathan now lighting his cigarette.

"Yeah." I said blowing out smoke, "Not as bad as my face though."

"It's ganna be all good soon." Nathan reassured laying back down. He pulled the covers over us and scooted closer to me taking a big puff of his cigarette, "Ray?" He asked blowing the smoke out.

"Yeah?" I replied placing my cigarette to my lips.

"I don't think I could live without you."

I laid their shocked because that's exactly how I felt about him, I never thought he could have the same feelings I had for him. "Me too, I would probably me dead by now if it wasn't for you." I said finally taking the last puff of my cigarette before smashing it into his night stand.