As Long As We're Together

20: The Begining

It had been a few weeks since Nathan proclaimed his love or whatever happened that night. It was a blur by now, we hadn't talked about it so we just kinda pretended it hadn't even happened. We both knew it did.

These weeks hadn't changed my dads mind he didn't want anything to do with me, I still talked to my mom but not my dad or sister. I still stayed with Nathan and his parents they didn't seem to mind. I worked occasionally (by that I mean just drive and drop off weed for Khalans brother.) and when I would earn any money I'd give it to Nathan's Parents for food/water/electric etc. I didn't want to be a burden to them.

Over these weeks I realized the three sides were completely different, I know I said before how I was realizing that they were different. But now I know first hand that they were. Khalan and Shawn had gotten busted with possession and intent to sell. Khalan has to serve 1 year in prison and 5 years probation while Shawn only got 1 year probation just because of his skin color and because of what part of our town he was from.

The judge had said Shawn was just a pawn in the drug game and he was just mixed up with the wrong crowd. Then he proceeds to say how Khalan was a hood rat and hoped he would die in prison for ruining a good kid like Shawn. No I didn't make that up he literally said, "I hope you die in prison you hood rat, you ruined a good kid."

Mark was with them too but he took off before the cops even showed, I think he has an 8th sense or something. I also think Khalan will hate Mark forever for doing that, at least no one snitched.

Jordan was upset he wasn't with them when this happened because he would've gotten a great rep for it. Only on the West Side though. Jordan's parents put him in a private catholic school in the city because they found a gun and some weed in his room, so he was excited about that. Not really I'm being sarcastic, he almost killed himself. He was really popular at our high school so he missed all the people he hung out with. They made him feel cool, that's the only reason he hung around them.

The whole gang sort of fell apart in these weeks. We all still kept in contact and we all went to see Khalan every month in prison but it just wasn't the same. I missed it but nothing lasts forever. Except me and Nathan.

Oh did I not mention Jess left me? Well not technically, actually yes technically. Her brother that was dealing with Khalan's brother had to leave town (for some reason) so the whole family went with, they went to California or somewhere warm like that. I didn't pay much attention because 1: Jess was sobbing and I couldn't really hear her and 2: I was high as hell.

Jess was having a rough time, she called me almost every day and would repeatedly say not to wait for her and we should see other people. That was annoying as hell I almost blocked her number. But I wasn't too worried about waiting, I wasn't going to try to wait. I didn't even have to try. I ruined a good thing when I cheated on her. It was never the same after I did that, she deserved a lot better than me.

The few weeks that went by were a blur, it seemed jumbled together. Friends come and go, after high school I'll go to college with Nathan and we'll find new friends to get high with and rob 7/11's. But no one can replace Nathan.

"I can't believe Khalan's in prison." Sighed Nathan as we lay in bed together side by side sharing a joint.

I looked over at the clock and read 2:21 AM, I was tired but I could continue talking to Nathan forever. "I can totally believe he's in there, he'll be out in a year, then he'll go back. It'll be an endless cycle just like his brother and his dad."

"It's sad to think about it like that." Nathan frowned turning over, "I just can't seem to grasp that he's in there."

"We're about to graduate tomorrow too, to think he won't be there."

"I guess he'll never get a diploma, I can't see him going back or even trying to take his GED."

"He's hella smart." I sighed in slight jealousy, "Too bad he doesn't use his brain anymore, he always got the best grades and always had the best plans."

Me and Nathan continued talking and reminiscing about 'old times'. I was excited for this new chapter of life, everything was whizzing past us but we were untouchable, as long as we were together. People came and people left, but we always had each other.

I was about to doze off when Nathan asked me if I remembered the night Khalan robbed 7/11. I was confused as to why he even brought it up, of course I remembered.

"Yeah, why?" I asked confused as hell, I turned to my side and faced him.

"Because Ray, what I said that night. I haven't changed my mind."

"Wh- what do you mean?" I knew what he meant I was just playing dumb.

"Ray," Nathan said, my heart was pounding in my ears and my face was red hot. Everything had been so confusing these weeks but since we hadn't talked about what happened I just hoped he would forget. I guess you can't just forget you love someone.

"You know what I mean." Nathan reached out and hesitantly placed his hand on my cheek. "T-tell me if you want me to stop, because I'll go crazy if I don't at least try."

My throat got tight, and eyes grew glassy. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was scared, no that's not the right emotion, I can't explain how I felt.

Nathan pulled himself closer to my face and simply placed his forehead against mine. He wrapped his hand gently around my head and one hand around the back of my neck.

His lips grew so close to mine that I felt like I was about to explode. I wanted him to stop, but I also wanted him to continue.

Do you know that feeling? It feels like the whole world stops. It feels like nothing else matters and nothing else is even happening. Nothing in the world has any relevance except for that experience your having right now?

That's how it felt when Nathan kissed me. My heart jumped almost out of my chest and my stomach dropped to my feet. It was scary, exciting and the happiest moment of my life. I know that sounds dumb and cliche, but that's how it felt.

Once I pulled away from the kiss I told him that I loved him, and I truly with all of my being meant it.

I love you Nathan Jean, always and forever...