The New Road of The Bookman Apprentice (D gray man fanfic)

Chapter 5

I followed the old man into the archives and sat down at the desk. He stood in front of me and gave me a condemning look. I knew he was disappointed and angry.

"How many times have we been through this?" He asked me.

My eyes searched the cracks in the floor and answered quietly, "50."

"This is the 50th time you have created a name! a backstory! a personality! Why is it that you can not shed 49?" He scolded.

"Friends," I said under my breath.

"What?" he questioned.

"Because for once in my life I made friends! Friends that I would die for! Once you make those kinds of bonds you just can't break them and pretend they never happened!" I screamed in his face.

"No normal people don't do that but you do! It is your job! You are not here to live, you are here to record! You record life you do not get caught up in it! I knew I should have never gotten you involved with the black order." he sighed.

"Why because you were afraid that I would turn into a human. That I would learn trust and love. Because I did and I won't apologize for it. Not now, Not ever." My eye connected with his and neither one of us were going to budge.

----

I looked at Lavi's deflated stature and the stubborn set of his jaw. My heart had dropped when I saw Bookman glare at his grandson.

I knew that Lavi was an alias but who Lavi was, was not fake. My thoughts wondered to the time in the arch where Road had brainwashed Lavi and made him fight Allen. He had almost killed himself.

His words had hurt. He denied that we all were ever friends and that he hated us.

Lavi barked at Bookman and he retaliated making Lavi flinch. He was on the verge of a rage fit when he snapped back and looked at bookman as if he had slapped him.

A hand laid on my shoulder. I covered the large hand with my own smaller one and suppressed tears.

I looked at the yellow undertoned hand and ran into it's owners chest. I hadn't clung to my brother like this since when I had just come to the Black Order.

Komui stoked my hair then tensed at seeing something in Lavi and Bookman's argument.

"I'll be right back, sadly I have to do my job," he whispered. I nodded and stepped back still facing the wall so I didn't have to watch what Komui had to do.

----

No. that was the only answer I could come up with to answer my grandfather's request.

A hand touched my shoulder and I jumped before turning and meeting a pair of dark sympathetic eyes.

"I can take this for you," he said lightly.

I clenched the small metal object firmly in my hand. I reluctantly lifted the object and placed it into the older man's hand.

"Thank you, sorry we caused so much strife for both of you. Once we meet up with Miranda and Krowry I will send them back to head quarters and send this to Hevlaska." Komui said before wrapping the hammer in cloth and putting it into his pocket.

"Thank you Komui, for everything," I nodded. He smiled at me and shook my hand before returning to the others. My heart clenched in my chest as I saw Lenalee's shoulders shaking. Her back was facing me and she was struggling to compose herself.

All I wanted to do was go up to her and wrap my arms around her small frame so all of this crying would stop.

Komui took her by the hand and ushered her out. I caught allen's blue eyes in a silent farewell and to my surprise Yuu almost smiled.

He gave me a small wave and I nodded in acknowledgment. Then I straightened the chair and began scribbling notes like I was supposed to.

I was like a machine. I recorded life. I did not live it. I also did not cry. But no one had to know that I was.