Camp For Troubled Souls

Chapter 1

I ran...as fast as I could to my room. I heard the door slam behind me as I collapsed on the bed. Tears streamed down my face as I let my thoughts consume me. All the things people had said to me just took over my mind. Fat, disgusting, slut, loser, you'd be better off dead. All the words people said echoed through my head like bullets. I couldn't take this anymore. For months I've come home to the same routine.....come home and cry. I pulled at my sweatshirt to reveal my wrists. Bright pink and red scars covered my arms. I am a self-harmer. I had been for a while now. I remember the day I started. It had been 2 years since the bullying started, I came home crying. I just completely lost it that day. I wanted to calm down so I decided to take a shower. As I was washing my hair a razor fell from a shelf and clanked to the floor of the tub. I knew what I had to do. I was so scared, I started crying as hard as I could. My vision blurred but I knew what I was doing. I lifted my arm in front of my face and sliced it with the razor. I felt pleasure, like all my emotions were pouring out of me. I saw the bright ruby red line form on my wrist. I watched the drops of blood fall into the tub. As I continued to cut I saw the tub turn red as my blood pooled to the surface. It’s been a year or so since I started. At first I thought I could just control it. Now, it’s just a part of me. I looked down at my scars. Proof that every comment hurt me more than the first. I scrambled to my drawer as I grabbed my razor. I took a deep breath and cut my arm till it was numb. I Felt a calmness wash over me as I cut. Today I had cut my worst. I knew today was the day. The day that would break me and everyone around me. Today.....I would die.

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I looked down and saw my tears drop on my bed. I always knew this was going to happen. That one day someone’s words would push me to the edge and I would fall. I grabbed a paper and pen as I started to write my last words.

"Dear Mom and Dad,

I am sorry for what I have done. I never meant to hurt you. I just can't deal with the pain, the comments or life anymore. I hope you know all that you did all you could for me. I'll put in a good word with God for you. If that’s where I am going after doing this. You were so kind to me and this is how I repay you. I am so sorry. I hope you don't blame yourselves. There was nothing you could do to control all the hate. Although I had hoped you would notice. When I wouldn't eat because I said my stomach hurt. I wasn't eating because I wanted to be thin.....I was anorexic. That one day in the summer when I wore bracelets to my elbows or in 90 degree weather I was wearing long sleeves. It wasn't a fashion statement and I wasn't cold...I was a self-harmer. I had cut myself every day. But don't worry I guess some people don't see the signs. To all those people who called me, fat, ugly, worthless and better off dead. You got your wish I hope your happy. I hope your decisions haunt you for the rest of your life. This is what happens when you treat people like shit. I am gone. You can never take back all the words that you said. I love you mom and dad. Please stay strong even if I wasn't. I love you.

Love,

Adrianna"

I looked at the paper. I could see where I started to cry harder. My tear soaked the page and smudged my writing. I thought about rewriting it, but I couldn't do it without crying harder. My tears soaked the page and smudged my writing. I thought about rewriting it but, I couldn't do it without crying and I knew my parents were coming home soon. I knew how I was going to do it, I just wasn't sure I could. I grabbed my razor as I headed to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror as I entered the bathroom. I saw myself tan, black hair, my eyes bright blue and puffy from all the crying. This was the last time I would see my reflection. I looked at the razor I was holding. My fingers traced the cold metal as I took a deep breath and looked at my wrist. I could see my vein, pulsing blue just waiting to be cut. Raising the razor I took my last breath. All at once I closed my eyes and slit my right wrist, than my left. This was the end. I was done. I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy and all of a sudden I fell. I had hit my head on the tub and was losing conciseness faster. Somehow it felt peaceful, nice, like I was floating. Then it all went black