Seconds of sadness

Chapter 1

My name is ruby. I'm a 14 year old 'suffering' from depression. Not like every average teenager would say. I'm deep in a depressed life, soul and body. And before you start reading this you should probably realize anyone could go through this. Even you. The only time it's okay to joke about depression, is when you've realized you're in it. But it's not a funny topic, if you want to read something funny go somewhere else. This is real life and although it's awful, it's true. But this isn't just a story, it's a cry for help. I did it again. I stood on the balcony looking down at death. Sweet, sweet death. It felt good. I really wanted to jump but there were people watching me. I don't know why I'm on this earth. I hate my life and I hate everything about it. And everyone thinks why? "How can you hate your life, it's perfect." They don't know anything. They don't know my best friends that died, they don't know the people that bullied me and how that effected me. They don't know I miss my brother more than anything. They don't know the pain I go through everyday having to look at a jerk I dated and knowing people think I'm a player and a slut. They don't know I was told to kill my self and that I've been hurt. I've been hurt badly. Physically and mentally. They don't realize my qualities and what I'm afraid of happening to me. I'm scared they'll find out who I actually am. Even if people consider me popular and cool. The thing is I'm not that kind of person. I'm a person who is dead inside. Who doesn't understand the concept of life. Who wants to know why I'm on this earth and why I was considered anyone's best friend. I'm a bomb I'll blow up in your face when you least expect it. You think I'm fine, but in reality I'm not. They need to realize I'm not who they think I am and that I'm stupid, careless, an idiot, a I'll fricken  slit but nothing you wouldnt expect.

I wake every morning of everyday sad because rather than waking up out of a nightmare. I woke up into one. The only way to solve it is to get up and face the misery of your life, it's what we all do and its what we all hate.

I bet you're reading like 'I wish I could've helped.' Too late. No one at my school actually cares apart from tony. Well at least I thought. Until that one day. That one day that can't be spoke of. Don't worry I'll speak of it soon, once he's gone. Gone for good.

You probably want to know the causes, huh? This whole 'depression' thing started when I was in year 5, so I was about 10 years old when I started getting bullied. People came up to me everyday and said "aww look it's harry no mates!" I thought it was cruel but I didn't know that it was going to get worse. They started threatening me. Saying they'd "expose" me for my sins but I didn't how I possibly hurt them. Sarah, the main bully, started bringing knifes to school and holding them to my neck. Once she got so mad at me she threw me to the ground where ironically there were around 100 sticking nettles along with a sharp piece of rusty metal. The first of all my slit wrists. Maybe no one will understand why I'm writing this and sharing it with the world. But the thing is I know why I am so why does it matter if you? Maybe one day I'll look back st this and think " I was a very creative writer" but this is real life you can't run away from it. I don't need help with solving my life, my life is already a mess and by the time you're reading this I'm probably dead. I'm not going to be sharing my whole life story, just specifically this part of it. The part where I go through a lot of crap. Crpa that probably won't be solved. The only way of solving it is ending it. But that's for pussies. Pussies like you, Tony.