Depressive Spikes and Etc.

What is and What Has Been

Everyone always assumes depression is controlling.

Everyone assumes it's a losing battle every time.

Everyone assumes we're just wired differently.

Nobody realizes it can happen to anyone.

No one realizes it can be caught like a disease.

No one realizes how much it really effects lives.

You don't realize until it gets into your brain,

For to understand, you must first experience.

It's an endless unwillingness to move.

It's slowly watching as you become more introverted than you thought possible.

It's realizing there is more safety in your room than by your family.

It's realizing your world is breaking around you.

It's realizing you can't handle all of life on your own.

It's wanting it to end more than wanting to keep living.

It's wanting quiet more than care.

It's putting too much into a relationship only to watch it blow up.

It's believing there isn't hope.

It's acknowledging the fact that all will end.

It's wishing you could lay down and never get up.

It's living in fear of when your next attack will be.

It's wanting to be somewhere else no matter where you are.

It's wanting more silence in a quiet room.

It's wanting to be left alone, but not by yourself.

It's being terrified of yourself and what you could do.

It's being afraid of the words in your head.

It's hating yourself for things out of your control.

It's wanting something that is always just outside your reach.

It's caring more about others than yourself.

It's believing every word coming out of your father's mouth.

It's believing you deserve every bit of it.

It's believing you only exist for other people.

It's believing you must commit to memory every word he says.

It's forming your view of yourself from these words.

It's believing your only use in life is at your expense.

I remember when these words used to be fictional.

I remember a time when this sort of stuff was written without meaning.

I remember when hope resided behind my eyes.

I remember when I still cared about my well being.

I remember when life was easy.

I remember life before.

I remember.