Becoming Juniper

I am Juniper

I'm 15 years old.

I have short, shaggy hair.

I have a flat chest.

I do not look like the other girls in my grade.

I'm not like the other girls on my grade.

My paperwork says I'm male.
My paperwork says my name is Jarred.
My paperwork says 'he.'
But none of these are really me.

I say I'm female.
I say my name is Juniper.
I say 'she.'
This is really me.

I realized and was open about being trans at 13. It's been two years and I'm still getting hate. My family still doesn't like talking to me. Some of my friends still avoid me.

Jarred is tall.
Juniper is tall.

Jarred is a red head.
Juniper is blond.

Jarred went bare faced to school everyday.
Juniper wears makeup to school everyday

In the past two years I have changed my physical appearance a lot, some in ways that my parents don't approve of, some in ways they do.
I write here to you to say that when I die tomorrow this is why. It's not being trans, it's the response to being myself. I can't deal with the hate. I'm more than the "faggot" you call me or just the trans girl. I have my own personality that no one sees. Because no one cares enough to look at it.

The reason why I die tomorrow is because when I was little I was told I could be whatever I wanted and I had to freedom to be myself. But people did not like the "myself" I was.

Tomorrow you will find my blond bobbed self, with daisies spread around my hair. You will find me in the white dress I was afraid to wear in front of people because they were harsh.

Why daisies?

Not because they were simply my favorite. Because they meant something to me. All the time I spent in the garden, alone, I would sit and think. While I think I would pick the daisies. Only the prettiest ones. When you pick or cut a flower you kill it.

I cut and killed the flowers because I loved them, they were beautiful.
I cut and wanted to kill myself because I hated who I was, I was awful.

So when you find me tomorrow and when you all see me at my deathbed, don't pretend you don't know why,