This is not a love story...

Chapter 4

She was the type of girls who would just lay there at 3 a.m. with her thoughts all over the place. And she wouldn't fall asleep until her own tears drown her to sleep. She was always wondering what would it be like if her boyfriend wasn't hers but someone else's. She would have been crushed. She would always remember the times she was talking to her bestie complaining that he wasn't hers. And of course she started thinking about that ignoring her happiness completely and thinking about sad stuff because of the big mess she was.

*******

'' He's not mine '' She said. ''And I don't think he ever will be. ''

'' And maybe that's a good thing because things are never how you imagine and having expectations only ever sets you up for disappointment. ''

'' But I can't help but wonder what laying in his arms would be like... I can't help but imagine being close enough to feel his breath on mine and his skin on my skin. ''

Now she finally knows what it's like to feel his body against her, finally knows what it's like to be loved. But she never expected this and is still a bit shocked that he chose exactly her - the always sad girl who doesn't talk to anyone at school and is a complete mess.

*****

She closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep... But she couldn't... Why did she always think about the past? Why did she always worry about what would happen in the future? Why didn't she enjoy the present - that one present she knew she was happy in.  Where she had a loving boyfriend and nothing else mattered... Right?

She couldn't control it though... She always realized that no matter what, in the end of their relationship she'll be having trouble sleeping, eating, breathing, living. 

She decided that she definitely needed some sleep, it was 5 a.m. and she had to wake up in an hour. Ugh. She just imagined that he was beside her  and tried to sleep... But again, she couldn't. Her thoughts took over her again.

'' He's going to kill me, you know. '' She whispered. ''He's going to commit murder and the worst part is that he won't even know it. ''