The Last Mockingjay [ON HOLD]

3. Gale and Beetee

None of us say much while walking back to the Victor's Village. Rue cannot stop spilling tears, as Finnick looks disappointed. Peter is the worst. His clear eyes now hold a look so full of agony and pain my heart rips apart at the sight of it. I keep quiet because I know, myself, that what I did was right. Even if they don't see it yet, they will.

As soon as we enter the house, the kids run from our sight. I steal a glance at Peeta, who now has sagged shoulders. I pat him on the back, and he glances at me, clearly angry. I look away and follow him quietly. He starts speaking the moment the door closes.

'Katniss! I can't live without you!' He yells, and bursts into tears. I can see a couple of veins popping up on his head, which is never a good sign. 'It was my only choice', I defend myself. 'Only girl volunteers, remember?'

'Then you shouldn't have volunteered. Didn't you see? There were about ten other people about to put their hand up for Rue.' he splutters.

'I'm her mother,' I say calmly. 'I have to protect her.'

'What about me, Katniss? Don't you feel for me anymore?'

I smile at him. 'Of course I do. I owe you forever - you're the boy with the bread!' He doesn't lighten up.

'I've survived two times already', I whisper. He turns and faces me.

'This time, it's different. I'm not there with you. It's Gale instead. He won't sacrifice his life for you. Don't you get it? He roots for destruction. He could crush you.'

I shut up, and ignore him. 'I should've volunteered for Beetee,' I hear him say. I spin around.

'WHAT? No, never. NEVER! Peeta, you have to stay and keep an eye on the children. It's for the best. Maybe this time, I will get revenge on Gale, for killing Prim.'

He shakes his head. 'It's Gale, Katniss. It's Gale', he says, and walks out of our room. I don't know what he means by that. Does he think I'm too weak? Mentally and physically? He's wrong. I sit on the bed and look out the window. Suddenly, tears spurt out. Hours later, when Peeta comes back in, I am still crying, my voice hoarse from the shrieks. He stares at me, concerned. He runs up in an instant, and cradles me in his strong arms.

'You're right, Peeta. What if I don't get back?' I ask, in between hysteric sobs. I continue. 'I'm not sixteen anymore. I'm forty one. I'm old. I... I can't kill even more human beings.'

'You will. You will come back.'

'But if I...'

'Shh, you will.'

'Peeta, I...'

'Katniss Mellark. I believe in you. You will come back.'

I am too tired to disagree. I sleep, and as usual get nightmares. This time, Cato dies over and over again. He keeps yelling to me, 'Kill me, Katniss! Please!'

I can't do it. Though in the real games, I did, I can't this time. I watch the mutts bite a piece of him over and over again,while I watch screaming. Though my arrow is in place, I can't do it. It reminds me of how when we were on a mission to kill President Snow, and when Gale was captured, I couldn't shoot him. I couldn't free him. I scream again and again.

'Katniss! Katniss!' Peeta's soothing voice wakes me. I see that he is still holding me tightly, and I whisper, 'Don't ever let go,' He looks at me like  he sees me for the first time. 'I won't', he promises. We stare in eachother's eyes for a while, as I recall the one of the most suprising events of yesterday. Gale was back. Since when? And how did I not know about Johanna? Suddenly, my heart feels like it is being pounded. Just when I am thinking of leaving to see Gale, Peeta pulls me closer.

And he kisses me. Nothing new, nothing old. He just kisses me. The first time I truly felt him was a kiss in the cave, in the first Hunger Games. The second time was in the Quarter Quell. This? It wasn't the third time. The feeling of hunger empowered me every time his lips touched mine. I didn't want to break away, but had to.

'I'm going to see Gale,' I say, just noticing the pain in his eyes. 'Oh... um... okay,' he mutters. I pick up my jacket, and walk in Rue's room to see how she slept. When I open the door, she springs up from her bed, and gives me a hug. We stand for a while, each of us savouring every last moment. I finally give her a kiss, and walk towards Finnick. She follows me out. I open Finnick's door. He stares at me with those meaningful grey eyes. But in there hides regret. Failure. Depression. I grab his arms. 'What's wrong?' I ask.

'You're only little, Mom. What if you don't come back?' I swallow hard.

'I will. I did the first two times', I reply. He stares at me like he doesn't believe me, but gives me a hug anyways. 'I love you,' he says. I feel tears prickle in my eyes. 'Me too', I whisper. I grasp Rue too and We stand there, just crying. I hear footsteps, and suddenly, Peeta is behind me too, hugging us all.

'I thought you were going to see Gale,' he says.

'I am now,' I walk towards the door. 'Katniss?'

I turn back to face Peeta. 'Be careful', he warns me. I nod and walk out, towards Gale's old house. Although I haven't seen him in years, I know that he will be back in his house. With Johanna. Suddenly, the hurting feeling returns. What's wrong with me? I love Peeta, the boy with the bread. Gale was just a distraction. I climb up the stone steps and stand in front of his house, just about to knock. The door swings wide open, before I even touch it. I stand in front of a muscular boy, so much like Gale. He introduces himself. 'I'm Beetee. Who are you?' I smile and say hi. 'I'm Katniss.' He raises his eyebrows in suspicion. 'Is... is Gale here?' I ask.

'Just inside', he answers. As I follow behind, I see that he also has Gale's quiet footsteps. I cannot hear a thing, even with my alert and trained ears. He leads me to the living room, the room where I used to give Hazelle, Gale's mother, some game to cook for dinner. Gale sits on the small sofa, and grins.

'Catnip,' he welcomes me. I smile slightly and sit next to him. But somethings seems different. There's a weird smell about him. Not the comforting odour of sweat and dirt, but something sweet. Artificial. Too strong. There are so many questions to ask.