Because I had You

Chapter 5

#FIAAway

"You still not talking to her?" Ian asks as we head home.

I shake my head.

"Whoa. That's.. unbelievable. It's been two weeks," he murmurs and I just focus on driving.

I don't know how to face her. After what happened that night.

I don't regret everything I said. I meant it. I just want her to realize my point.

I wasn't a fan of long distance relationships. Who knows what will happen along the way?

"So, you don't know that she'll be leaving tomorrow?" He asks that caught my attention.

"Leaving?" I ask confused. "Where?"

He rolls his eyes. "For the exchange student--whatever. But she will be with Brian and.. who was that? I forgot her name but she looks like a nerd." he explains and I fasten up.

"Dude," he calls while putting his seatbelt. "You're not going to wreck us."

My mind was clouding with so many things. I couldn't even think right.

She was going to leave without telling me?

I stop into their driveway and hop out of my car.

"Shit," Ian curses when he follows me. "Never thought you're one reckless driver."

I saw Dustin on their lawn and walk towards him.

"Adie?" I ask in haste.

"Upstairs. She's packing her things--"

I ran into their house and jog upstairs, straight to her room.

She was sitting on her bed and her luggage was packed of clothes already.

She was looking at the sneakers that I gave her.

"Are you really going to leave without giving me a notice?"

She looks at me and smiled faintly.

"I thought you don't wanna know," she says in a low voice. "You're not talking to me."

I heave a sigh before walking towards her and sat in front of her.

She looks down at her things. Avoiding my gaze.

"I know I was selfish. I wanted to have everything without loosing one. I want to pursue my dreams while having you. I don't want to choose. I don't want to leave you," she starts tearing up and I was just sitting here, listening to her.

"But I guess I have to. I don't want to tie you up and wait for me. That's too much--"

"No. I can--" she cuts me off, too.

"No, Shawn. Listen," she says and looks at me. "I don't want to be in another country having my own world while you are here, stuck because you are waiting for me. I want you to have your own. Your own world without me," she sobbed. Her lips were quivering. "We were together since we were kids. We've been there for each other everytime. We've been a part of each other's world ever since so maybe.."

She holds my hand and looks straight to my eyes while her tears are falling.

"Maybe we need to have our different worlds. Without each other. Maybe, just maybe.. we need to meet new people--"

"What are you saying?" I questioned. Is she breaking up with me?

"I love you, Shawn. I wanted to have both but I don't want to be selfish. You deserve to be happy. So I'm saying this now, and if ever fate is good to us, maybe.. we'll still end up each other someday." she says as she wipes her own tears.

My brows furrow. I can't understand her. Was she was thinking about this before? Or was it because of our fight?

I broke our stares. "Are you.. dumping me?"

She smiled weakly. "No. I'm asking you to dump me. Because god knows I couldn't even say it. I couldn't even stand for it so I want you to do it instead."

I immediately shook my head.

"No." I muttered. "No. I can't. I won't. I don't want to."

I love her. I love her that I will wait for her even if it takes forever. I don't want to lose her.

"Shawn," she calls and I was just shaking my head.

I mind couldn't absorb what's happening.

"I'll be gone for months. And maybe.. I'll be gone--who knows? Who knows what's waiting for me there? I just want to clear these things before I leave." she lifts up my chin and I can't even look at her in the eye.

"But.. we can do this, right? I'll wait for you. Is this because of the fight? I'm sorry. I'll support you. Just.. don't do this to me," I almost cried.

"I'm doing this for you, Shawn. And I hope, someday, you'll see my point. You'll understand why I did this." she says.

I couldn't say a thing. I still couldn't understand what's happening.

"Help me up pack my things," she adds and raises the white chucks and the sneakers. "This one or this one?"

I absent-mindedly pointed the chucks.

"Right," she utters. "Don't wanna miss you so bad with just a shoe." she tried to joke but neither of us laughed.

"Wanna have a stroll after this?" she asks.

I didn't respond. I'm not even in myself for the whole time.

I couldn't absorb what's happening.

She pulled me downstairs when she finishes packing her things--And I was just sitting there, watching her almost drifting away.

"I'm gonna miss this," she starts as we walk along the busy streets. "Maybe I would take a walk there once a week. It's been our usual thing, you know."

I didn't say a word. I still couldn't say anything.

Wasn't I dreaming? Is this some kind of a joke?

How could.. I imagine myself walking along these streets without her?

It's like everywhere I go, everything I do, she's always there. Like she's just around.

"Hey," she calls. "You're scaring me, Shawn. Talk to me."

We stopped walking.

"Shawn," she calls my name again. I never found my name cool but when she calls me, I love how it sounds.

God. I think I'm so cheesy.

I sighed. "Sorry," I muttered. "I still couldn't believe that this is happening."

Her eyes gone lonely. She looked so torn.

She hugged me and started sobbing in my chest.

"I know," she murmured. "I'm sorry."

People walking along the streets are looking at us but I don't care.

How would I? If I'm almost losing the girl I love the most.

"God," I said and kissed the side of her head. "How do we ended up like this?"

"Promise me," she sobs. "Promise me you won't forget me. Even you found a new girl. Even I'm just a friend."

I just brushed her hair using my fingers.

She looks up to me with bloodshot eyes.

"I love you, Shawn. Even when I'm away."

I smiled painfully. "I love you, too. Even when you're far."