Abomination

Chapter 11: Betrayed by Thoughts, Befriended by Anger

"If you are reading this book, then that means that you are desperate and anguished. It means that you spent days and humanity trying to obtain ample pages just to achieve a goal. It means that you have decided to move on to stronger things--darker things.

It means that you want revenge. You want to see bodies in torment. But I don't blame you.

So did I.

The world is full of evil and darkness and in order to defeat it...

you must become its friend."

My eyes met dark words that occupied light pages. Upon seeing the words, they gleamed in joy. Light traveled to my face, drawing a smile on the illuminated features.

For once, things were going well. 

Yes, my plan was flawed and filled with surprises (curse that magic council) but in the end, it was I who was victorious.

That made me think that maybe there was some hope left in the world. There was a spark of salvation and pity for the fallen ones, for ones like me.

I looked back to the page and the note that was handwritten onto its beginning. The note was very...accurate. Desperation and anguish did lead me to the book and made me fight for it. Just like the note advised, I invited darkness into my soul which was disguised as a lovely home, in order to use it until it died with my father.

For this reason, the note alone made me question the book even more. Clearly, the painting in the library was linked to the Liberum and the author of the book seemed to be..similar to me. We both understood revenge and were bound by the claws of hatred. So who was this mysterious author and painter that filled my mind with useless thoughts?

Useless thoughts such as these...

I was suddenly reminded that I needed to continue. My father was still there, probably searching for me along with the magic council which I foolishly spared. But was the action really foolish and weak? It seemed like something my mother would do.

Mom..

No, STOP. I had to focus. After regaining control, I continued down the page, noticing a spell that sparked my interest.

Ut facti veritas vestri somnia

May your nightmares become a reality

This spell caught my eye for it had the ability to bring fears to life. Things that once belonged in minds and dreams now had the chance to rise and conquer in what we call reality. Yes, this spell would be very useful against my father. Oh, what joy I would feel once I see him go through what I went through because I have faced my nightmares before except that they weren't caused by the spell. 

They were caused by something viler.

I continued, seeing spells that made things explode, lit things on fire, caused unbearable pain, transfigured humans, and so on. The pages continued to flip until they landed on one with a spell that caught my eye.

Sit enim oculus videt quod iubes

Sit sentire quae velis

May the eye see what I command

May thy feel what I want 

Underneath it, I saw another.

Mitto inferno anima vestra

I send your body and soul to hell

My eyes widened.

The spell.

That's how my father knew it. He must have had the book in his hands and his eyes on this very page. Once again I was filled with confusion in the form of one question: how?

He told me that the book was just a myth, just a figment of the imagination of the insane. But as a child, I didn't believe him. I was always one to hold onto things like belief and...certain people. At least that didn't change...

just like so many other things that distanced me from my past self. But my past-self flew away when winter came and never came back. 

The page in front of me was glued to my attention. I couldn't get my eyes off of it and my thoughts couldn't get away from its words. I thought of the day that started all of this.

Once again the disfigured face of the creature made its way into my mind.

Bloodshot eyes. Evil smile. Empty eye sockets.

And then...came the blood. The screaming. The terror. The dead body in front of me.

And the detail that confused me until this second. My dad watching the entire thing like an episode on a television screen.

I used to think that it was because he couldn't see the creature. I used to think that I was crazy, that I was seeing things. But now I see that I was crazy to think that.

This was all HIS FAULT! He used the first spell to make me see the creature! He manipulated me, wanting all of this to happen just so that he could use it as an excuse to ruin my life! He brought fear into my heart and turned it into anger when he threw me into Hell

..but why?

This all made no sense.

I thought he loved my mother, but he made me kill her, no---he made me feel scared and confused. Fear made me kill my mother. Fear that was introduced by the spell. 

I thought he loved me. He tucked me in at night with Cary and told us stories about monsters that were defeated by good and kind people.

I thought he wasn't evil. He smiled whenever he saw us and told us to spread love and joy in the world. 

But sometimes your thoughts can betray you. They can lie to you because humans lie. It's in our nature.

Betrayal pierced through me like a knife, forcing me to harshly rip out the page from the book. I folded it and placed it in my back pocket. Hours passed before I decided to finish the Liberum. After I came in contact with the back cover, I sat in the corner processing all that occurred and all the knowledge I acquired. 

I made sure to memorize specific spells that I saw as useful. But memorization wasn't enough. I had to try them out too. 

I stood up after sitting down for hours. I could feel strength return in my body and anger--a lot of anger. I was still angry at my father even after all these years but this time, the feeling was stronger because this time I understood that he contributed to the death of my--

"MAGNA VIS AD DISSILIUNT!"

 I exclaimed as I extended my arm toward a blank wall. I then ran to the other end of the house before a loud BOOM resounded in the area. Seconds after, the wall was left in pieces and the grass surrounding it was burnt. 

I continued to practice spells, memorizing them and imagining my father's dead body. I was almost ready and I hoped he wasn't. 

"I'm coming for you, dad" I whispered, spitting out the filthy word with hatred and immense anger.

"Love,

--Jay"