THE AFTER ALL.

five :: my original title was too long

i have something to say to you, and it is very, very important.

bodies. bodies hold brains and brains hold nerves and nerves send signals of memories, memories that we keep with us, and hold dear to our hearts.

hearts. bodies hold hearts and hearts pump blood and blood gives life to the people we love.

love. bodies hold adrenaline and dopamine and serotonin and all the other chemicals that trick us into thinking that that one may be the one. or, maybe it isn't a trick. maybe you're a hopeless romantic, like me, who believes in fate and destiny. well, regardless, bodies hold love. but, whatever you believe about love, we all know that love...love takes strength.

strength. bodies hold strength- well, hold muscles, symbols of strength, something that everyone needs once or twice or thrice in a while. of course, strength is something that has to be built. trained. endured. created. earned. at least i think so.

bodies. bodies hold us. they come in different shapes and sizes and colors and should be respected, because different bodies have different purposes and different people held within them. different spirits.

spirits. bodies hold spirits.

bodies hold spirits, whether you believe in them literally or figuratively. i, for one, believe in spirits. souls. things that tie our brains to our hearts, things that make us more than flesh. (god, i don't wanna be just flesh.)

and i'm not saying you have to believe in spirits, like me. i've never been one to push my view on others, but just. bear with me for a second? please?

bodies hold spirits. bodies hold something more than science or legend can explain. bodies hold more than the scientific reasoning behind our thoughts- bodies hold our thoughts. us, something so precious and valuable. us.

okay, damn, let me try to clear this up- our emotions. our pasts, and our potential futures. our views. our failures, our successes. our bodies hold these things, things that are way more complex than any scientist or philosopher or anyone could ever understand.

bodies hold Platos, and Arethas, and Obamas. they hold everything and nothing, whole universes and tiny atoms, tiny nothings that we can't see, but tiny nothings that we are. isn't that crazy? isn't that absolutely insane, how we can't even see what we're made of? like, we know it's there. we know what makes us, us. and yet, so many of us don't.

let me try again- bodies hold the beauty and passion of art, of science, of history and the ones who write it. the ones like you. the ones like me.

bodies, man. hold so much power and life and death beyond things we can even comprehend. they hold me. they hold you.

you. you hold miracles. you are a miracle. it's amazing you're even alive. what are the odds, out of all the little sperms your dad had, that you would be here? right now? reading my teen angst slash rant book slash diary? who even are you?

oh, it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter who you are, or what you've done, or what terrible choices you've made. i love you. i, a complete stranger, with no power over you or your life or what you plan to do with yourself, love you, another complete stranger, who has likes and dislikes and either really hates or really loves this chapter. or maybe you're somewhere in between. i don't know.

i, a girl who screws up just about everyday, loves you, no matter who you are, what you are, what you've done, what you're doing.

because it is so unbelievably, incredibly amazing to me how you just are. existing, living, breathing air and probably weirded out but that's okay. that's cool. i like it.

it's kind of funny, actually, because there is so much more i want to write. there is so much more i want to tell you, like how you're a star- literally a star, composed of the same star shit that literal stars are made of, technically, because matter cannot be created or destroyed, so like, when a star dies-

or how, in my personal opinion, no matter what your brain tells you sometimes, you are not a mistake. you are not better off dead, or never existing, like i once believed about myself.

you, your body, your soul, your mind, is precious, is the first, is limited edition, is one of a kind. screw that pessimism. no seriously, get it out of here, because no one thinks the way you think and no one feels the way you feels. no one is like you, goddammit. i'm actually getting angry right now at the fact that there are so many beautiful, amazing, wonderful people out there deserving of love and companionship and they are taking their own lives.

please don't do it. please don't ever do it. don't ever feel like i did. you deserve better than that pain.

okay. i'm going to say it one more time, because i really want the message to get through.

you are everything to me. you, stranger, mean so much. you are, fricking, positive words that haven't even been invented yet. you are alive, and influencing lives just by being here, just by being a passenger on a train or a random face in the hallway. you don't even know what you're doing, the lives you are changing, the minds you are influencing with every word you speak and everything you do. you don't even know how powerful you are. like i really don't think you understand how amazing you are. like you really don't get it. oh my actual god, you are worth so much more than what others try to compare you to. you are worth so much more than the hate that people try to spread around, you are so much more than the shitty situations you are in, you are so much more than your own mind trying to convince yourself that you are a failure or that you are a freak or that you are anything less than a miracle.

this is crazy, really, how much i love you. how much your existence means to me. hey. thanks for existing. i know it really wasn't your choice, i mean, you kinda popped up, just like me. but thank you anyways, for deciding to stay a little bit longer. thank you.

and also, please don't ever think you're alive for no reason. not gonna turn this into a "we all have a purpose" speech (it's another one for another day) but just felt the need to throw it in. we're all here for a reason. and, for me, that reason is to build each other up. i think we're here to change. like, everything. for the better. so i wanted to start with you.

our bodies matter. you matter. i love you and you matter. okay. sleep well. eat healthy foods. live life the way it was meant to be lived- happily.

and, if you ever feel like you don't matter, or like life's too much...come back here. read this again. and remember that i, a random stranger, think you matter. it might not mean much to you, i know.

but it's the truth. and you deserve to hear it.