Push Me Harder, Daddy (Dan And Phil Fanfiction)

I need to wee, daddy

"We are gathered here today, for the funeral of Clarissa Boltelli and Charles Boltelli, formerly known as Drew Peacock, the famous pornstar." the vicar cringing as he said the last word.

Dan and Phil sat sadly in the front row, Dil in between them. Due to Dil's distress about loosing his 'lollipop' which Charles had given him, Dan and Phil had bought him a new extra large 'lollipop' which Dil now cradled carefully in his mouth.

After short speeches from some of Charles and Clarissa's close friends, Phil went up to the stand for his speech.

"Sadly I never knew my father who impregnated my mother whilst filming porn, however I grew up watching his videos. Although me and Dan will never be able to have a foursome with Charles and Clarissa, they will live on in our hearts and dicks, an inspiration to us all, joined forever by their love and by their genitals."

With that, Phil went weeping back to his seat, where he was quickly cheered up by Dan's promise to fuck as soon as they got to the graveyard.

Dil, who had been fidgeting uncomfortably during Phil's speech now whispered to Dan, "I need to weeee, daddy"

Dan looked around, trying to spot a toilet, however the church was old and had no such thing. Instead his eyes landed on a small bowl, half full with water near to the coffin.

He pointed to it, Dil quickly ran over to it, squatting and pulling down his trousers, then squirting into the bowl. Fortunately the majority of people attending the funeral were porn stars and were turned on by Dil's little willy, whilst the priest was busy colouring in a massive poster, with what looked like the words 'save the asexuals' on it.

The congregation now sang a beautiful rendition of 'Go tell it on the mountain' which had been Clarissa's favourite hymn.

Priest Jordan now stood in front of the alter, reminded of the job at hand by the ear piercing screeching of the congregation as they tried to sing.

"Dear Daddy in heaven," said priest Jordan as they walked towards the bowl, "please bless this holy water and give Charles and Clarissa everlasting life in heaven," with that they picked up the bowl, chucking its contents over the coffin. Unfortunately, due to the extra liquid in the bowl, which the priest was unaware of, the holy wee mixture ended up covering everyone who was sat on the front row.

With that, 10 pallbearers picked up the enormous coffin which held both Charles and Clarissa, who despite an operation and the effort of numerous doctors, could not remove Charles' decayed dick from Clarissa's shrivelled vagina.

The congregation followed solemnly, Priest Jordan rolling up their 'save the asexuals' poster before running into the arms of a beautiful curly haired lady, the two sucking on each others faces with so much passion that Phil was doubtful of priest Jordan's asexuality. The two continued slurping away at each others faces as the hearse and its following parade made its way to the graveyard.

When they arrived at the graveyard, Phil immediately grabbed Dan pushing him behind a gravestone. Dan tried to look casual as Phil tore down his trousers lustfully.

Phil delved into his black bag, pulling out a pot of fresh humus, which they had brought with carrot and cucumber sticks for Dil's lunch. Phil grabbed a handful of carrot and cucumber sticks coating them with humus before spreading Dans arse cheeks apart and shoving the sticks up his butt hole. Dan groaned as his insides clenched around the delicious vegetables and humus. Just as Phil was about to wank Dan off, shouts came from the freshly dug grave.

Dil had fallen into the pit....! Dan pulled up his trousers, waddling over uncomfortably with Phil by his side.

"What did you do that for?" shouted Phil down the pit to Dil "You haven't eaten your carrot sticks yet".

"I fell down a hole, daddy" cried Dil's shook voice. Luckily, Dil's plump buttocks broke his fall, so he was unhurt. However getting him out of the pit was a different matter.

Luckily, one of Charles' friends was a hardcore rock guy, named Bellzo who had extremely long hair. He let down his hair, Dil grabbing onto it like a monkey, and pulled him to safety.

After a quick assurance that Dil was okay, Dan and Phil went back behind the gravestone to resume their funky time.

Phil pulled Dan's trousers up, giving him a wedgie. Dan moaned, extremely turned on by his wedgie, his dick pushing against the small space in his jeans. He pushed Dan down to the floor, ordering him to suck his dick off, which he obeyed willingly.

With his foot, Phil skilfully pulled down Dans trousers, running his toes down Dan's dick. Dan had perfected his cock sucking and it wasn't long until Phil reached his climax, accidentally kicking Dan in the balls as he experienced an intense orgasm.

Dan fell to the floor in agony, cupping his balls tenderly. However the pain soon began to wear off, Phil helping as he pulled the carrot and cucumber sticks out of his arse, sucking off the remaining humus, which was extra delicious due to having added flavour from being in Dans arse.

He then wanked Dan off before the two pulled up their trousers and smoothed down their hair, walking over to the burial site.

The burial which should have been long over with was still taking place due to unexpected problems. Although a big hole had been dug, it was not large enough to fit in the enormous coffin, even when the pallbearers tried to kick it down. It was too much of a squeeze.

Eventually, one end of the coffin slid down leaving it tilted upside down, rather unceremoniously. Priest Jordan let out a large sigh, vowing never to preach at another funeral, having been scarred for life by this horrific experience.

Priest Jordan symbolically threw some dirt over the half buried coffin before running away with their curly haired "friend" and the save the asexuals poster.

Go give us a like even if you didn't actually like this. DISCLAIMER we hope we haven't offended anyone, obviously funerals are sad and serious occasions. But this is push me harder, daddy so we have to take the piss out of everything.