The Gilbert Twin (On Hold)

This is me...

My name is emmalina elizabeta Gilbert I'm 15 years old and have a twin brother named Jeremy and an older sister named Elena. We used to be really close all three of us then our parents died on May 23rd 2009 ,for the longest time I blame my sister Lena she was in the car with them that night. She had been at a party with her friends and she got into a fight with her boyfriend Matt Donovan. She had called our parents to come get her on. On their way back home they went off of wickery Bridge. Elena was the only Survivor and nobody knew how she got out.
People say it was a miracle I say it was a curse if it wasn't for her our parents would still be here at least that's how I saw it before. But as time passed I realize that I was wrong that it wasn't her fault. Ever since that time a I have been completely mute I don't speak I don't think I do anything but read eat and sleep. Ever since the accident everyday things that I used to enjoy now bring me nothing but pain because they were things at my parents encouraged me to do things that they love and had bestowed on to me now every time I think about writing think about singing think about dancing it brings me nothing but pain. My dad always encouraged me to sing and dance that has always been my dream,to become a singer but then he died and I couldn't anymore it was just too much it hurt to think about him to think about the things that we used to do together the things that we love to do together I miss him so much.
I love my mom too but as you can tell I was a daddy's girl. Elena had been the Mommy's girl. I feel bad for our Aunt Jenna she's going through so much and she's taking care of me Elena and Jeremy and it's already hard enough on her with all the stuff she has to do and here I am being selfish and not talking but how do I speak without crying how do I talk without hurting  how I think without dying. I have no idea who I am anymore...