the boy next door

Chapter 22: Too Much

Ashley's POV:

It's been a week since I've been rescued by Justin, and I haven't gone to school the past few days. All I've been doing these past few days was lie in Justin's arms on my bed, shaking and crying every once in a while.

He had his arms wrapped around my waist as I had my face hidden in his chest, smelling his scent. Even though he made me feel safer, I still couldn't bare to think about getting taken away from him, again.

I haven't really spoke to him much, but he's been comforting me and saying how he's gonna take care of me for the next few weeks, and not going to let me out of his sight. But knowing my past experiences, I felt something coming for me, like always.

"Ash?" Justin whispered in my ear. I mentally replied to him but I couldn't open my mouth and say anything, I felt so weak and powerless. He sighed and held me tighter. "Ash please. Say something to me. I miss your sweet delicate voice and smile. I can't stand seeing you like this." he choked.

I immediately glanced up, wiping his tear away with my thumb. "I can't do this anymore." I whispered, not sure if he heard me or not. I felt his body tense against mine, and he cupped my face with one hand. "No Ashley. Don't say that, please. You can't let them win. N-No, I love you too much. P-Please." his voice was shaky, I could tell he wanted to cry more.

"B-But. They did. They won. They ruined me Justin, don't you get it? I'm done with, my soul already left, it's just my heart that's keeping me alive." I croaked. He squeezed his eyes shut and began to cry quietly, kissing the top of my head and resting his chin on top.

"I'm sorry." I croaked, my heart slowly breaking seeing him cry. I knew he was blaming himself, but I couldn't let him think that. It's all my fault. I shouldn't even be here.

"Can you please get me w-water?" I licked my chapped lips. He nodded quickly and got up, running downstairs as fast as possible. I sat up immediately after, and reached for my prescription pills.

I took a deep breath and popped off the lid, pouring out half of the pills in the bottle. I closed it and reached for my water bottle under my pillow. I just wanted an excuse for Justin to leave the room, I didn't want him to see me like this.

I touched and pressed on the 6-7 pills that were lying in my palm, debating whether I should do this or not. My eyes began to water and I tilted my head back, beginning to pour the pills in my mouth. Before I was about to swallow them, the door swung open, Justin standing there with the glass of water in his hand.

Once his eyes laid on me, he dropped the glass, shattering everywhere as he ran to me, slapping the pills out of my hand onto the ground. I screamed and cried out, trying to reach back for the pills but Justin grabbed me instead, holding me close and cradling me in his arms. "W-Why?" I cried out, my body aching terribly.

"Shhh it's okay it's okay. I'm here for you." he sobbed. I felt bad that he had to deal with me. Why couldn't he just let me do it and he won't have to worry or take care of me ever again? I could've just ended mine and his suffering, but he didn't let me.

I heard running foosteps, my mom nearly collapsing when she stood in front of my room, looking down at the glass and pulls them back at me. "Oh no, oh my goodness Ashley-" she covered her mouth as she began to sob quietly, walking over to me and joining me and Justin's tight hug.

"She almost-" "But I stopped her." Justin interrupted, rubbing my back gently as I continued to sob in his chest. "W-Why would she do this to herself?" my mom sobbed even harder. "My poor baby." Justin shut his eyes and tried to calm himself down, but it had gotten to the point where his chest couldn't stop expanding rapidly. He was hyperventilating.

"I'm so sorry." he whispered, rubbing my back gently. "I shouldn't have left town, I had to stay here and protect you." he continued. I wanted to speak up and tell him that it wasn't his fault at all, but the words didn't come out when I opened my mouth.

I felt useless, worthless. I know Justin loves me but, these past few months have been too much. I've been so overwhelmed, and this kidnapping situation really got to me. This was my breaking point. This was hell.