"I'm younger than Carter, you know that? 3 years to be precise. I'm 16, hes 19. I'm 16 like you. Carter and I were always close, we became close when Nash introduced me to all the magcon boys, we immediatly hit it off. We grew closer, we texted, saw eachother on our own etc etc. We kissed. A lot. There were drunk kisses, sober kisses, angry kisses, passionate kisses, sad kisses, almost kisses. We never dated, we never wanted that. He saw other girls of course, I didnt want to see other guys. I wanted Carter but I didnt want him at the same time. It was a few days after my birthday and he came over. We kissed but, it got a little more, interesting. His hands moved to places they never went to before and we had sex. He didnt speak to me after, not for a very long while until I said something to Cameron and Cam went rage on him for doing that to me. Anyway we havent seen eachother in a year since last night" I felt tears streak down my face.
"Why are you crying, Ellie?" Aaron asked. "It was a mistake, wasnt it?"
"Yes? No? It fucking hurts Aaron. He has it. He has that one thing as a girl is mine to keep until I'm ready to give it away, to someone I love. I didnt love Carter, I dont love Carter. And he just has it, along with many other girls. Its no use to him, it has no meaning to him just like that night, it meant nothing to him, Aaron. But that, thats mine! And he just took it so easily. And we kissed last night!!" I sounded pathetic, I know.
Aaron didnt speak for a moment, instead he just held me. He wrapepd his arms around me and let me cry, ruining his shirt. Then he spoke. "Dont cry, dont cry. He is an idiot for doing that, for ignoring you and he isnt worth your tears. For what its worth, you dont deserve that"
I looked up and smiled at him. We waited to go inside until my eyes were no longer red and my cheeks were no longer puffy and swollen looking. "What movies you got?" My voice still sounded shaky and croaky. I ignored that everyone could tell I had been crying and focused on something else, like how Mrs Grier had the walls re-painted a cream instead of going for dusty yellow.
"Come sit next to me Ellie, Matt's putting on The Conjuring, you hate horror films remember?" Carter chuckled and tapped the seat beside him on the sofa.
My body said go, go sit with him but my head said no, no dont go. I went with my head this time rather than my instincts and what my body was feeling. I wanted to sit with Nel but that seat was taken by Taylor, I snuggled up inbetween Cameron and Nash instead.
You could tell it was late because we were all complaining about our hunger and what to eat. We settled on Thai take out. After opening up to Aaron and kissing Carter, I didnt feel like eating at all. So many thoughts were swimming around my head all at once and made me feel like I was drowning in them.
"Ell? Ellie? ELLIE!" Nel was practically screaming in my ear beside me.
"What?" I asked, clueless as to what was going on.
"Arent you gonna eat?" She asked, taking a spoonful of rice into her mouth.
"Actually, I'm gonna get some air" I stood up and laced up my converses and grabbed someone hoodie that was on the banister and sat on the front porch, looking and the stars and the pale moon.
"What's going on here Ellie?" Carter. Of course it had to be him.
"Why are you asking me?" I rolled my eyes at him and carried on staring into nothing.
"WHY ELSE WOULD I FUCKING ASK YOU?" Carter yelled, I hated it when he raised his voice, I could see everyone running to the window.
"Carter, please not now" I tried ignoring him.
"I MEAN YOU ARE THE ONE I SLEPT WITH, I KISSED, THE ONE I HAD THAT SORT OF RELATIONSHIP WITH!" Carted screamed and flung his hands up in the air.
"RELATIONSHIP? CARTER WHAT WERE WE? HOW WAS I MEANT TO KNOW WHAT WE WERE I WAS 16, I STILL AM 16 AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WE WERE. YOU USED ME. YOU SLEPT WITH ME AND IGNORED ME. YOU TOOK WHATS MINE!" I screamed and pushed him away. Here come the tears.
"GET OVER YOURSELF YOU LITTLE WHORE, ITS YOUR VIRGINITY. ELLIE I HAD FEELINGS FOR YOU BUT YOU NEVER MADE A MOVE, WHY IS IT ALWAYS THE GUY?!" Carter continued to scream.
"I MADE MOVES CARTER, YOU SLEPT WITH EVERY OTHER GIRL EVERY OTHER DAY, I WAS JUST ONE OF YOUR YOUNG SLUTS WASNT I? ARENT I? I STILL AM, THE ONE YOU RUN TO WHEN YOU GET A FEELING-"
"ENOUGH! Carter leave, Ellie come back inside" Cameron came and broke up the argument.
"I'll go" I grabbed my bag and ran off the porch and this little piggy ran all the way home. Thank god nobody was home. I slammed the door shut and slumped to the floor and became overwhelmed with tears and violents and pain and ache in my chest. Thoughts and emotions and pain ricocheted around my head and heart and body and just everywhere.
I awoke in my bed and in a t-shirt, I'm assuming I somehow did this last night after the fight outside Nash's house. Last night came back in pieces to me while I was in the shower recalling every word I said and every word that was fired back to me.
I tied my wet hair up into a messy bun and slipepd on a pair of sweat pants and a batman t-shirt. I planned on lounging around the house on my own, with the Pretty Little Liars boxset my aunt got me as a thank you for tutoring my cousin. I checked my phone and well..
8 Missed Calls from Nellaaaay
4 Missed Calls from Cami
10 Missed Calls from Nashty
7 Missed Calls TayTay
2 Missed Calls Matt Espinosa
20 Missed Calls Cart-ahh
I didnt want to see or speak to anyone, so I just turned my phone off silent and turned it off. I know they were being good friends, even Matt who barely knew me tried to reach me although I think its because the hoodie I took may of been his. The doorbell rang vigoursly which really aggrivated me as they wouldnt go away. I had to answer.
"WHAT?!" I yelled.
"I bring ice cream and Nicholas Sparks films" Nel said, raising her hands in motion of her bringing peace.
"Please, enter" I let her in who was then followed by Taylor and Aaron.
