Colours Of Life

Dear diary.....

Hey guys this update is not a quote but it's a random one which I have seen yesterday and wanted to show it to you guys too !! Hope you guys will at least have a look at this !!
So here you go !!
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She was not able to sleep. She woke up and sat on her bed like that and was lost in thoughts. Many questions were roaming in her mind. She caught her head as she was feeling screwed up. Then she got up ,went up to her desk and got her diary.she stared it for sometime and started writing....

"Dear diary, I don't whom to talk with and whom share what I actually feel. So here I am left out with only you and myself. But asking myself is just not helping me so I thought of sharing it with you...everyday and Everytime the only question that pops out in my mind is - ' do I deserve to be someone in their life? ' People say 'Yes' but I don't why I don't feel so. Without​ understanding me people start becoming close to me and later when something which they do makes me feel like -' Am I the one who is at fault? ' But I kept on trying my best to cope up but whenever I feel better it's like I am wrong again!! When I tend to feel like it's better if I leave them, then they'll​ be like-' You were the one from whom we didn't expect this'. Sometimes I feel like am I not a human?? Am I the one who is wrong always?? Don't I need someone who can understand me like I do? Wait!! I am expecting too much right?? Right !! Because expecting this from everyone is wrong. They why everyone tend to become this close like I feel at least I can expect this from them. When I say -' You where not with me when I needed you as I was sad and feeling lonely'. You know what they say-' You didn't even care to say that you were sad and feeling lonely then how can we know that?' Then and there I left the topic and smiled to myself thinking-' Forever I won't be understood by anyone and this is called as BEING CLOSE and say we care for you'. Was I so wrong in thinking about myself or in choosing people for me whom I believe will be with me like I do. Is friendship not my thing or am I making things complicated?? When I make myself understand that I am meant to be alone and only for myself, the very next moment someone shows me what closeness means!! But sad thing is that when the closeness was never meant. Do every one feel in the same way as I feel?? People say speak out your feelings even we will get to know about your feelings and you will feel good. But when you don't even know what I actually feel it saddens me. I have hardened my heart so that I won't feel sad again and again. Life goes on with people entering, leaving and be as they want to be. I tried hard to make it up and be with everyone and enjoy my life. But I am such a person if I am not comfortable with the person I feel like leaving them for their good and for which I am called fake. All the trials that u have made to stay in their life are termed now as being fake. And they being human they tell it to everyone they know. Finally I am the one who is blamed for troubling them, hurting them, leaving them. At that every point when they say about me everyone who so ever is busy and not much in contact, get in touch with me and starts conforting me for what all I have done. Well, I wonder where were they then when the whole misunderstandings started. Then they were busy with their work and now how every busy they are, have all the time for the one who I couldn't get with. As they have already heard the other version whatever I say they feel I am wrong but somewhere I know that they too are expecting the same thing that I have been expecting from a person and for which they feel I am wrong. And the title given to me gets more stronger and I tend become more weak from inside but still look fine outside. This is how I justified their title FAKE. Right!! Now I have mastered in faking myself so much that no one can even find out what my actual feelings are!! Thank you people for making me fake forever and making me not believe that someone would be there for holding me close and say -' You don't need to be understood by anyone anymore because you have by now understood yourself!! So appreciate yourself that your didn't fake but you made yourself best for you!!' One day in your life you will get such a person and at that moment you look at that person and smile wide!! It may be your parents, your friends, your siblings/cousins, your partner. Keep hoping is what I understood after writing so much. I never wanted to be the worst in someone's life but I have tried being best and I feel I could at least been better than someone. Thank you diary for being patient and listening to everything I spilled out today. Thanks for making me comfortable, little peaceful and much hopeful. Loads of love to you my dearest diary. I will be back whenever I feel I am left over and talk to you again. Bye!!!"

Saying this she went back to sleep hugging diary close to her and smiling.
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Hey guys !! Hope you all had a look of this !! Thanks for all the love you guys gave me till now !! I know I am not updating regularly but I promise I would do that once my exams are done !! They are starting from tomorrow till 3rd June so see you guys after that !! And if I get even little time I will come back !! Till then keep reading and keep wishing for me!!
Love you all !!
See you guys !!